Parenting Epiphany #1
Feb 21 2011
I’ve had more than a few parenting epiphanies in the last several years. I’ve tried to stay away from posting advice on parenting since parenting style depends on the parent and the nature of the child. There are very few right and wrong ways to parent, but those few are very important. For example, don’t physically abuse your child or do give your kids lots of love and encouragement! I have published baby tips and things to try in the past but most of those were pretty basic, but I thought I’d share an observation I’ve noticed with my kids and other kids and that is:
You have to say “yes” enough times to a kid, that they respect when you say “no.”
If you are always saying “no” and don’t let them experiment or try new things or play the Wii, then they get discouraged or find ways to work around you. If you say “yes” to the right amount of things at the right time, when you tell them “no,” they seem to listen. They somehow seem to get that you are respecting their individuality to try different things and in return respect you (even if it might not make sense to them at the time) when you put limits. I believe it’s important to have limits so kids know where their boundaries are and they feel safe. If you say “yes” to everything, then you end up with a spoiled kid. The trick is finding the right balance of “yes” and “no” given our hectic, highly scheduled lives of work and school.
Anyway, take that epiphany for what it’s worth. It may very well be documented in all the child psychology books out there, and I have no idea.
Stay tuned for my recent plant growing epiphany. I’m lucky with house plants and have a couple that are over 15 years old and still alive.
Author: Aruni | Filed under: parenting | Tags: child psychology, parenting epiphany, parentying style | 8 Comments »
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I hope my 5 year old catches on to this! 🙂 So far, he just wants more and more. LOL! He’s following more of the “Give an inch, take a mile” philosophy, so far, but I’m hoping maturity can make a big difference. Thanks for sharing your epiphany!
I’m so glad I checked your website! I have your blog in my feed, but it hasn’t been posting updates for some reason. I had no idea you’ve been posting regularly! Anyway, thanks for sharing your epiphany, and I look forward to checking back frequently instead of relying on my feed!
@Hannah – thanks for stopping by. Yes, I’m still blogging but not as often as I’d like to! My son might need braces soon, so my interest in dentists/orthodontists as increased.
Hi Aruni,
My 15 month old son has just started walking and has learned that pointing and shouting, “Om nom nom” gets him food! You’re right to talk about the balance of yes and no – it instils respect and gives children boundaries.
It’s refreshing to read a post about parenting which gives simple down to earth advice, like you said, “you must do this” or, “you must not do that” gets tiresome!
Out of interest how did you say, “no” to your children when they were young?
Thanks for the post 🙂
@Leopard – First, interesting name. Second, again I’m not an expert, but I found saying “no” to your children when they are your son’s age is a combination of “no” and re-directing. A flat “no” doesn’t always seem to make sense to them. They don’t always understand why, but re-directing them to something that is a positive and you approve us I think helps them understand the concept of “no” better. But that’s just me.
@Aruni – Redirection is a good point, as young as my son is he does seem to handle being told no better if you give him something else to do. It must be nice to be that age and be able to forget all your problems in the next moment! Thanks for the response 🙂
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