Lowering the Waterline as we Stumble Towards Inclusion
Jun 14 2024

I read a lot, but I have not read many books in the last several years, let alone non-fiction books, so the fact I finished this book is a small miracle and a testament to the authors interesting storytelling! I was introduced to Priya Nalkur by a mutual friend, Elizabeth Davis, this past April, and I was fortunate to join one of her book launches in Austin.  As a fellow South Asian woman and entrepreneur who grew up primarily in North America, I felt an instant connection with her and her stories.

Navigating the choppy waters of leadership is never smooth sailing, especially when you’re trying to foster a sense of inclusion in a world that’s anything but perfect. Her book “Stumbling Towards Inclusion – Finding Grace in Imperfect Leadership” captures this tumultuous journey with a blend of wisdom, grace, and a refreshing dose of humanity.

Reading her book felt like catching up with a wise friend over tea, the kind who doesn’t just nod sympathetically but offers insightful nuggets wrapped in relatable anecdotes. Her stories of leadership mishaps and the subsequent learning curves are similar to the stumbles I’ve had while juggling my entrepreneurial ventures and personal life (which, if you’ve read my blog over the last 15 years, you know are sometimes hilariously clumsy).

Priya doesn’t shy away from the imperfections that come with leadership. She weaves in her personal experiences with research, creating a tapestry that’s as educational as it is comforting. It’s a relief to know that even seasoned leaders fumble. Her stories include humor, making the heavy topics she addresses—bias, privilege, and systemic barriers—feel approachable.

Chapter 40, “Lowering the Waterline,” particularly stood out for me. She uses the metaphor of an iceberg to discuss how we often only see the tip of someone’s behavior, while their values, fears, and motivations lie hidden beneath the surface. This chapter was a powerful reminder to look beyond the obvious and understand the deeper currents that drive people. Throughout my career, I have tried to understand why people act the way they do or say the things they say. Playing out those scenarios often helps connect dots and discover reasons that others may not see.

Her actionable tips on fostering an inclusive environment are practical and empathetic. She emphasizes small, consistent efforts over grand gestures. It’s the little changes, like making sure every voice is heard during meetings or actively seeking out diverse perspectives, that build a truly inclusive culture.  One of my Top 5 Strengths based on the Strengths Finder 2.0 assessment is Includer so many of the suggestions she shared about inclusivity resonated with me.

Priya beautifully ties everything together at the end of her book by highlighting the importance of rapport, equanimity, and courage. She stresses that building genuine connections (rapport), maintaining mental calmness and composure (equanimity), and facing challenges with bravery (courage) are essential components of effective and inclusive leadership.

“Stumbling Towards Inclusion” is a must-read for anyone looking to lead with authenticity and heart. Priya’s insights are a guiding light for those of us striving to create spaces where everyone feels valued, even if we stumble a bit along the way. The book is a testament to the power of perseverance, humility, and, yes, a good sense of humor.

In the end, what she offers is not a roadmap to perfect leadership but a compassionate guide to navigating its imperfections. And isn’t that what we all need? A little grace as we stumble towards our own versions of inclusion.

Reinventing Yet Again – Ideas to Invoices Podcast
Mar 18 2024

It has been a long, very hot minute since I last posted on this blog in September 2018, almost 5 1/2 years ago. Lots of changes and thankfully mostly good ones, but also some very challenging and sad ones. I am a recent empty nester (i.e., my two kid startups/ventures are launched ❤️❤️). I have stepped into and out of a couple other tech startups/turnarounds as well as danced, sang, and traveled a lot! I plan to do more of the latter 3. As for tech startups…

I have been “venturing” back into the Austin entrepreneurial scene, after quitting my my job late last year, and have noticed how much it’s changed over the last ~25 years since I first put my toe in those waters! During my networking adventures, I was fortunate to meet Laura Lorek at a Women Founder’s Forecast event she hosted via her organization Silicon Hills News. She asked if I would be open to being interviewed for a podcast, and I said “Hmmm. Sure, why the heck not!” since I’d never participated in one before. She published it just before SxSW 2024 started here in Austin, and it turned out great: Key Takeaways from the Ideas to Invoices Podcast with Austin Serial Entrepreneur Aruni Gunasegaram. I still cringe a bit when I hear my recorded voice (not a great trait for a singer/songwriter I know), but I am happy with how it turned out.

Please check it out if you have some spare moments and are vaguely interested in hearing about my entrepreneurial endeavors as well as learning more about Silicon Hills News. I am surprised and grateful at the response on Laura’s LinkedIn post about the podcast, especially from folks I haven’t seen in over a decade! It feels like a lifetime ago when I was actively starting/co-founding businesses but have been working for and with other amazing entrepreneurs/founders since then. The fact that people still remember me is kinda cool.

Thank you to those who have remained subscribed to this blog or happen to randomly find yourself here. I hope you are all striving to be the best versions of yourselves and this post finds you happy, healthy, and content. If not, well I hope you are one day closer to being so because we all know how nauseating yet also exhilarating a roller coaster ride this thing called life can be. I continue to do a lot of self work, yoga, breathing, reading, accepting, and healing…so just maybe I will figure out what I want to/should be/must be doing with the rest of my life (when I grow up). ☮️ ❤️ 😅

The World Turns and It’s All About Great Customers!
Sep 22 2018

Yes, this is my first post of 2018 and it’s almost October! The year has flown by. The children of some of my friends are in college now, my kids started school (last year of middle school and second to last year of high school), and we all just keep getting older and sometimes a little wiser.

I’m still loving my job on the Customer Success team at SailPoint, and very much appreciate that the company has the same philosophy around customer success that I do. Other than the companies I’ve founded or been on the founding team with, SailPoint is the first company I’ve worked for who shares my values around customer plus employee value and engagement.  The company values aren’t just words on a wall but, in my experience so far, they are truly manifested in the leaders and colleagues I interact with on a daily basis!

Our CEO, Mark McClain, was interviewed for this recent article in Forbes: How To Transform Your Customers Into Brand Advocates where he states “Every employee is focused on ensuring the ongoing success of our customers, which has contributed to our long-standing, 95%-plus customer retention rate.” He also says “The winning combination is simple: Listen first, build a true partnership and keep customers at the top of your priority list.”

Here are some other good articles:

What Really Matters: A Conversation With Patrick Lencioni – Chief Executive

• “Most of the great CEOs, nobody knows who they are, primarily because they don’t want to be known, that wasn’t their goal. Their goal was to create a great organization to serve their customers and their employees well and change people’s lives.”
• “At the heart of a great organization is a humble leader, somebody who’s doing it because they feel a great weight and responsibility in being the leader.”
• “I just love to go places where you’re surprised by the level of humility and reality that exists.“

UT Professor Explains How Language Shapes Our Thoughts – The Alcalde

• “So, it appears that Shakespeare was mostly right. Perhaps it would have been better to say that a rose by almost any other name would smell as sweet. If only that scanned in iambic pentameter.”

Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin On Leadership In Turbulent Times – Chief Executive

• “I think he [Lincoln] would not have used Twitter except when he had something positive to say because he knew enough to hold back those kind of emotions, you know?

How Diversity Happens – Fred Wilson at AVC

• “A few years at our annual CEO summit, Scott Heiferman, founder and CEO of Meetup, told a room full of startup CEOs that you have to build diversity into your company from day one because if you don’t, it becomes so much harder later on. He explained that nobody wants to join a company where nobody looks like them. That really hit home and woke quite a few people up.“

Hopefully another almost 9 months doesn’t go by until I find the time and motivation to write another post. Thanks to those of you who keep on reading or stumble upon this post accidentally. 🙂 Here’s to a great 4Q for you, your families, and your companies!

Goodbye 2017 – Welcome 2018 – Happy New Year!
Dec 31 2017

It certainly has been an interesting year politically, economically, medically, and professionally for many.  Living in Austin has proven to be a good vantage point to see and read about the big changes throughout the world in 2017.

I still haven’t figured out how to use this blog to add consistent value on the topics of business, parenthood, or music in the already noisy Internet of information. Not that all of my prior posts have added tremendous value, but many were inspired by events, people, and situations (muses of sorts) in my life at the time. The words used to flow fairly effortlessly and some would likely argue without too much needed editing. 😀

So as we say goodbye to 2017 and hello to all of our continued life stories in 2018, I thought I’d share below some shows and recent blog posts that you may find interesting.

Some good and mostly family friendly shows we’ve watched this year (most are on Netflix) that kept me easily distracted from writing and singing:

• Stranger Things
• The Flash
• Super Girl
• The Arrow
• Agents of Shield
• Legends of Tomorrow
• Series of Unfortunate Events
• Once Upon A Time
• The Crown
• Big Bang Theory
• Modern Family
• black-ish

Some good reads:

What Happened in 2017 – Fred Wilson discusses changes in the business of technology: Crypto, The Beginning of the End of White Male Dominance, and The Tech Backlash.

Kindness Scales – Seth Godin

Smartphones Are the New Cigarettes – Mark Manson

Wishing those of you, who for some reason still read my blog, as well as those who happen upon it during a random Internet search, a very HAPPY, PROSPEROUS, and HEALTHY 2018!

Highly Effective Managers – Why Are People Surprised?
Jun 26 2017

“Beaker” from The Muppet Show by Tim Rogerson on display at Art on 5th Gallery in Austin, Texas

Sometimes it surprises me what surprises others about what great management is all about! I’m glad the google data supports what most top managers and employees with good bosses already know.

Google Employees Weighed In on What Makes a Highly Effective Manager. Technical Expertise Came in Dead Last – Is it possible to engineer the perfect boss? Google was up to the task and found data that will forever change the keys to getting promoted.

Key takeaways from the article:

Although technical skills made the list, it came in dead last. The first? Be a good coach!

What employees valued most were even-keeled bosses.

Manager’s who helped people puzzle through problems were more effective.

Top-performing managers took an interest in employees’ lives and careers.

So as much emphasis as we seem to place on STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) skills these days, it is still the soft skills that make a top-notch leader and manager. Go figure.  Isn’t it nice when the data supports common sense (i.e, what I thought most of us knew already). 😀

Women’s Marches in Washington D.C. and all over the World!
Jan 27 2017

Wow, just wow! I didn’t march, but I had several friends who went to D.C. to march or marched in Austin, Texas last Saturday.  I take it as a sign of the actual decent health of our country that there was not one violent outburst, of which I am aware, during these marches on January 21, 2017 in any US city .

At 2.6 million strong, Women’s Marches crush expectations (USA Today)

‘We’re Not Going Away’: Huge Crowds for Women’s Marches Against Trump (NY Times)

Ashley Judd Recites ‘I Am a Nasty Woman’ Poem at Women’s March on Washington (Watch) (Variety) – Not suitable for kids because she repeats words our current President has said that have already been in the media.

Almost no one – Seth Godin

Some were marching in protest of Trump winning, but I think many more were also marching to make a point about women’s rights, civil rights for all races, tolerance, understanding, LGBQT rights, support of immigrants in times of need, etc.  Personally, I got very emotional watching the marches on TV and seeing the commentary from women who have long fought for women’s rights that could be so easily taken away from us even if not easily by law but by behavior and words that were clearly not tolerated prior to the election, now being potentially acceptable.

One of my friends wrote this great post on facebook that with her permission (she did not want credit outside of facebook), I am quoting verbatim here:

Goodbye 2016. Welcome 2017!
Jan 7 2017

Tibetan monks creating a intricate mandala that they will soon wipe away and throw into a nearby river.

No matter your worldview, I think we can all agree that 2016 was a defining and likely transitional year in the United States of America.  From politics (Clinton vs. Trump, moderates being squashed between the extreme “right” and the extreme “left,” to the passing of iconic celebrities (Prince, Carrie Fisher, George Michael, etc.), to radical, miserably unhappy short-sighted people, countries & groups (ISIS, Turkey, Syria, Russia), to witnessing some of the most generous acts of kindness towards refugees and others humanity has ever seen.  Plus some pretty good comedy and music about all of the above!

I’m putting “changing the world” on pause for a bit to spend most of my energy on my kids, doing a good job at work, and keeping sane by spending time with my numerous great friends. Maybe if others did the same, we’d have less crazy, upset people in this world! #veryblessed

Life can be is challenging, and I’m grateful that I can randomly write my not so insightful thoughts on this blog. I’m grateful for good health, family, friends, an awesome job, as well as for cute animal photos and videos.

I’m not into new year resolutions any more, but I am into moving in a meandering, yet at the same time vague direction toward some positive outcomes.  So, I’d like to make a point of having more music in my life by listening to more, writing lyrics, and creating melodies for at least one new song to complement the two already out there posted here and here.

And, of course, I’m going to try to eat healthier, exercise more, and lose a few pounds without giving up red wine, whisky, chocolate, cheese, peanuts, chips, or queso. 😀

Here’s to us all getting better at playing the crazy cards life deals us as well as continuing to learn & grow from the harrowing, yet joyful game of life.

Bring it on 2017…but please use wise and kind judgement when doing so!

Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give a Damn or a Mark Manson F*ck
Sep 28 2016

It’s an unconventional title: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life(amazon link), but it’s an insightful, irreverent, and hilarious book that’s not too trite, sappy, or “duh, who doesn’t already know that!” kind of read. It seems to be about how so many of us get hung up on the wrong things and make ourselves and potentially others in our social solar system miserable. He helps the reader figure out what they really should give a f*ck about instead of wasting time and energy measuring their success or failures using other peoples metrics instead of their own.

He suggests if we go through life being uncertain about everything, including our adamant beliefs about ourselves and others, as well as accept our idiosyncrasies and human flaws, we will be much happier.  I suck at directions, and that’s OK!

Those who are absolutely certain about things tend never to achieve lasting happiness because really, as most of us know, nothing is certain and disappointment is inevitable.  As a person who practices yoga, self-learning, appreciates the teachings of the Buddha, was raised Episcopal/Southern Baptist, and performs much less mental self-flagellation than I used to, the concepts Manson discusses resonate with me.

It’s a much more upbeat read than the must read book Man’s Search for Meaning(amazon link) by Viktor Frankel, a psychiatrist who writes about concentration camp survivors. Those who made it through the experience (if they weren’t randomly killed) had something they really gave a f*ck about. Those who didn’t were more likely to be measuring success by using metrics that didn’t fit the situation in which they found themselves (i.e., the drastically unfortunate cards they were dealt). I think the lessons in Frankel’s and Manson’s books are similar, but Manson uses many more F-Bombs and has modernized it to address our current more whiny “first world problems,” because, fortunately, almost none of us Gen X’ers and Millennials had to survive a horrific concentration camp!

Other posts I’ve written on self-exploration that may be useful to new/future readers are:

• Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me (Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts – amazon link)
• The Awakening by Kate Chopin
• How People Believe in God (Musings about the movie Life of Pi and Deepak Chopra)
• Strengths and Weaknesses – How They Impact Our Worlds
• The Narcissistic Family – Entrepreneurs, Bosses and Employees
• A Transformation in Process (Landmark Forum)
• Who I Was Being Was Not Exactly Who I Am (Landmark Forum)
• Shifting Agreements
• The Happiness Hypothesis
• What’s Love Got To Do With It – Live Life Like You Mean It  (Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want – amazon link)
• Failure, Rejection, and the Art of Being Average (I reference one of Manson’s blog posts In defense of being average.)
• Eat, Pray, Love, and Vacation
• Crazy, Stupid, Love

Wow, I didn’t realize how much I wrote about this sappy, self-help, existential crisis stuff! But I think all that writing and creating of songs I did was better than doing the 100+ less emotionally, physically, spiritually, medically healthy things I could have done while processing all that painful personal growth, trying to stay a mostly sane mother, and not turning into a raging HULK. Haha! Thanks to my readers who actually read my ramblings and still remained readers! 😛

Based on who you ask and when you ask them, I am much happier, tolerant, understanding, and calmer (unless provoked/poked while I’m under duress!) than I used to be even 3 to 5 years ago, which likely explains why I post much less frequently.  I’ve learned to tame some of those demons (who never fully disappear), set better boundaries (which Manson mentions in his book), be OK with my human failings by relying on GPS, and try to make better choices largely thanks to the kindness, support, and understanding of my numerous truly amazing friends and certain great family members. Just like Manson and most of us, I am constantly learning what to give a f*ck about based on where I am in life. I’ve gotten better at letting the rest of it flow on by just like the river in Siddhartha(amazon link) by Herman Hesse.

I’ll be interested to see how Manson’s views change if/after he has kids. Those new humans can cause you to question your entire life in a mostly sleep deprived state as well as pummel your a$$ affirming how little we really know/understand about ourselves or tiny humans!  He also discusses the “fear of death” in his book. Ironically, I fear pain more than I fear death. I fear dying before my kids are on their own, and I can’t even think about anything bad happening to them because then I might as well be dead.

I highly suggest you read this book because I care enough about all of you (even if I don’t know you) that I don’t want you to embody this quote: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” – Henry David Thoreau from Walden.

Customer Differentiation in Competitive Markets – SxSW Interactive 2016
Aug 24 2016

It’s been over 7 years since I submitted a panel idea to SxSW Interactive and now the time has come to do it again. You may wonder why or you may not care at all, but nonetheless I’m letting you know about it. 🙂

Please vote, comment on, and share our panel idea: Customer Differentiation in Competitive Markets before September 2, 2016. We’d love to have the opportunity to share our collective wisdom on how to create, build, and maintain a highly successful customer focused organization using the knowledge and tools available today.  Comments on the panel picker are important because they help the selection committee assess audience engagement.

The really fun, engaging, and knowledgeable speakers are:

• Mitch Aubin, President, Tech Edge Advisors
• Anne-Marie Bitman, Director, Customer Success, Oracle
• Aruni Gunasegaram, Principal, Customer Concentric
• Scott Yankton, President, Sytech Services, LLC

I’d love to be able to repeat the SxSW panel experience to help others build great customer focused organizations thereby resulting in not only great customer engagement but also fantastic employee engagement.  Happy Customers = Happy Employees = Happy Customers!

Gracias. Thank You. Xie Xie.

P.S. Thanks to all my readers, colleagues, and friends who voted for the panel, Building A Web Business After Hours, oh those many years ago.  It was selected, we presented in a very large room to hundreds of people, and it got great reviews.

Hate Cannot Drive Out Hate
Jul 8 2016

When will the human race truly understand, feel, and appreciate this profound, yet basic sentiment that Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and many others have known and stated so many times?  My son was 5 miles from the senseless shootings in Dallas (Barack Obama in a White House update) last night.

I haven’t posted in a long while for a few reasons, but mostly because I was not strongly motivated to do so until right now.

Peace has to come from inside each of us. We must “be the change we wish to see in the world!” – Mahatma Gandhi

Happy New Year (2016) and Workplace Engagement
Feb 20 2016

Wow, it took me until February 20 to actually write a New Years post. Happy 2016!

After joining a WordPress hosting company, I thought I might have a bit more time to blog, but getting ramped up takes time.  So far so good and so far very busy!  There are lots of things going on at work and in my life, but most of you probably wouldn’t be too interested in hearing all about that stuff, so here are some fun & interesting articles that people have sent me or I’ve randomly discovered:

Ten signs you work in a fear-based workplace – Bloomberg Businessweek

AN ANTIDOTE FOR DISENGAGEMENT: BEING APPRECIATIVE FOR YOUR JOB – Appreciation at Work blog

Happiness Hack: This One Ritual Made Me Much Happier

Several managers where I work just completed some Arbinger leadership training, and I really enjoyed it!  Our senior execs will be going through the training in the next couple of weeks as well, so I’m looking forward to having a common language to share as we help grow the business to the next level.

Below are links on Amazon to two books that are published by the Arbinger Institute.  I read the first one a few years ago and am in the middle of the second one. They are written in story/fable format which I very much prefer when reading business books because it makes it much easier to read and seem less “preachy.”

Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

How Thankful Can You Be?
Nov 26 2015

I think many of us are very blessed to be when and where we are right now in the timeline of human existence.  There are others of us who still seem to be living in the dark ages of hate and anger. And sadly, many still living in poverty, financially and/or emotionally.  I wish for them and us the continued light of compassion, understanding, and psychic freedom that has helped humanity get through dark times before.  May we continue to arrive on the other side of turmoil & change more enlightened and connected than before.

I think Thanksgiving is one of the best US holidays because it forces us to pause from our busy lives and take time to be grateful for the many things we have such as health, happiness, people who love us, people we love, physical & spiritual wealth, friends, family, and comfortable homes no matter what they may look like.  There are others who have far less (like the boy in the photo), and ironically they might feel and act more thankful than we do sometimes.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone around the world!

WP Engine is Now Hosting entrepreMusings – My Blog :-)
Oct 28 2015

Those of you who subscribe to my blog by email may have noticed that an email was sent with the five most recent blog posts I wrote.  It was apparently a byproduct from migrating my blog from one host (GoDaddy) to another (WP Engine).  I recently joined WP Engine so I have the opportunity to take advantage of hosting my WordPress blog on a hugely better platform for WordPress sites!

We have a really easy-to-use migration tool/plugin, so moving my now over eight (yes, 8!) year old blog over to the WP Engine hosting platform was simple.  Maybe now I will finally be able to write more often about business, parenting, life, and music (hopeful emoji).  I may even change the name of my blog to one that is easier to pronounce once I think of a better alternative. 😀  Suggestions are welcome!

I’m excited to be working at WP Engine.  The company is well beyond the start-up phase but still very entrepreneurial at heart.  So far it seems to have a wonderfully collaborative, energetic, hard working, caring, and get-things-done culture…which is my kind of vibe!

Failure, Rejection, and the Art of Being Average
Sep 16 2015

Tibetan monks creating an intricate mandala they will soon wipe away to illustrate impermanence. Later they will throw the colored sand into a nearby river and start the process over again.

Life seems to have a lot of rejection, failure, and unmet expectations in between occasions of blissful acceptance, success, peace, and happiness.

But it’s all part of the human experience and according to Pema Chodrin we need to Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better: Wise Advice for Leaning into the Unknown (Amazon link).  I heard about the book from Seth Godin’s blog post Failing, again. It’s a quick, easy read with a nice analogy of how we build resilience, understanding, and acceptance over time as we get better at dealing with the big waves that life sends us that sometimes knock us down. We struggle to get back up only to experience the next big wave trying to knock us down again!  I also recently read her book Practicing Peace in Times of War (Amazon link) and found it insightful.

The Top 5 Stressful Situations (1. Death of a loved one, 2. Divorce, 3. Moving, 4. Major Illness, and 5. Job Loss) can leave us feeling like a failure and/or rejected.   I’ve experienced 4 of those 5 events personally and two of them at the same time. [major stress emoji]  Based on my experience, it takes a great support network, a positive attitude, and not being afraid to ask for help (even if you ask for it in an imperfect way) to navigate these life changes and come out the other end with most of your mental faculties still in tact. 😀 You learn pretty quickly who your friends really are during those tough times. And if you take the time to learn from those experiences, you build resiliency to weather the next big wave and are able to help others get back up too!

Here are some great articles I’ve read recently that can help all of us put feelings of rejection, failure, and lack of confidence into perspective.

On feeling like a failure – Seth Godin

In Defense of Being Average – Mark Manson.  He is such a funny and talented writer!  It is okay to be average, because most of us are.

The Confidence Gap – The Atlantic.  This article discusses the unique challenges even the most talented and accomplished women face on the topic of confidence.

On Marrying the Wrong Person – The Book of Life.  Will the way we pick our spouses evolve yet again? I hope so.  This article discusses how we should pick our mate.  The method they suggest makes more sense than how we humans have typically done so in the last thousands of years.

Mixed Signals: Why People Misunderstand Each Other – The Atlantic.  What did she say? He couldn’t have really meant that, right? OMG, I can’t believe she didn’t understand me!

Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me
Jul 6 2015

I recently read a very eye-opening and somewhat disturbing book called Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts (Amazon link).  It was recommended by a friend, Janelle Monney, who is a prominent executive coach, as well as another mutual friend, Delena Spencer, who is in the financial recruiting space.  I highly recommend it and wish everyone would read it!

The findings are relevant for politics, business, criminal justice, and personal relationships.  It helps scratch the surface of how we as humans justify our decisions, beliefs, and acts even when it’s not in our or others best interest to do so. As with most things, the actions and behaviors we think are protecting us can end up harming us and others.  The book can cause you to question your and other people’s past actions as well as see events through a different lens. Good learning is not always happiness and sunshine, it’s often uncomfortable, embarrassing, painful, and daunting.  Such is the human existence!

It certainly helped me gain insight into my own self-justifications as well as identifying others in theirs.  The things we do to avoid admitting mistakes and feeling “less than” or “losing face” can be astounding, when a simple: “You were right. I made a mistake.” can go a long way towards healing wounds, finding solutions, and avoiding further damage.  Things can deescalate even faster if the other side isn’t too caught up in their own self-justifications so they can hear you, communicate openly, and stop justifying their own story as to why they are right and someone/something else is wrong.

In many cases of conflict, it often seems like the “truth is somewhere in the middle.” Open, empathetic communication can go a long way in getting things back on a more positive track, but as human history has proven that is not easy to do.

Obviously, I highly recommend this book since I’m blogging about it.  If you read it, please let me know what you think by leaving a comment or sending a tweet to @aruni.