The Lactivist, Jennifer Laycock, recently posted an entry in her blog called Am I the Only One? with a hilarious list of things her cousin sent her that outlines what people should do BEFORE becoming a parent called Thinking of becoming a parent? Try this 15 step plan first. Since we now know that breastfeeding while laughing is good for your baby, this will be a great thing to read while breastfeeding. I was ROTFL when reading this! Check out her blog…it’s one of my faves!
Thinking of becoming a parent? Try this 15 step plan first.
Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store. 2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already
are parents and berate them about their…
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel….
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out..
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this – all morning.
Lesson 6
1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.
Now:
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 8
1. Get ready to go out.
2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.
3. Go out the front door.
4. Come in again. Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 11
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.
Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s “Noggin”?) Exactly the point.
Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway
and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying “mommy” repeatedly.
(Important: no more than a four second delay between each “mommy”; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the “mommy” tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
This is all very tongue in cheek, anyone who is parent will say “it’s all worth it!” Share it with your friends, both those who do and don’t have kids. I guarantee they’ll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you’ll need when you become a parent!
Author: Aruni |
Filed under: blogging,
breastfeeding,
nursing |
2 Comments »
When people ask me why I donated to the Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin, the first thought that comes to my mind is “For hope. The hope that a fragile new baby has for survival. The hope that his/her family hangs on to that they will bring them home soon.”
When my first child was born over 4 1/2 years ago my life changed drastically. Although our son was a healthy, full-term baby, I felt overwhelmed and had challenges establishing breast feeding. I couldn’t even imagine what parents of sick, premature, and fragile infants had to deal with emotionally and physically. When my daughter was born just over 2 years ago, breastfeeding was easier and I pumped a substantial amount of excess milk. I didn’t want to throw away what is often referred to as ‘liquid gold,’ so I got in touch with the milk bank to learn more.
After a quick phone screen, written approvals from my OB and our daughter’s pediatrician, and a blood test, I was approved. I collected the milk in the containers provided by the milk bank, froze them, transported them in a cooler and dropped them off at a nearby hospital. It was really easy. My daughter often came with me to make the drops, and I was able to transport cooler, stroller, and baby with ease. She would often slap the cooler and laugh/smile as we strolled up to the nurses station. 🙂 The milk bank also coordinates pick up days/times for those who do not have easy access to a drop off location.
Before I knew it, I had donated just over 500 oz which I later learned put me in a high volume donor category! After I finished donating, MMBA sent me a wonderful certificate (now in her yet-to-be-completed baby book) made out to my daughter thanking her for sharing her milk with other babies. I know she’ll feel good about being able to help other babies. I know it’s strange but I looked at the certificate and looked at her and felt proud that we were able to help, together as mother and daughter, bring hope to people who were relying on hope to get them through each day.
During one visit to the milk bank, I took a tour and was fascinated to see how they collected, pasteurized, mixed, and stored the milk to specifications ideal for premature and sick babies. It was amazing to see how my and other women’s milk could be used to help potentially save the life of a baby and make those fragile infants first days of life a little more comfortable. Mother’s milk is less likely to upset their little tummies and more likely to give them energy to grow faster and get better sooner. If you are interested in donating, there are milk banks located in the US and around the world who can give you more information on how best to share your ‘liquid gold.’ It’s a great thing to do and feels great doing it!
Aruni
The Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin (MMBA) is a nonprofit organization that accepts donations of breastmilk from healthy breastfeeding women, pasteurizes the milk, and dispenses it by prescription to premature and sick infants, primarily those in the hospital. MMBA is one of several milk banks in North America that is a member, and therefore follows the standards and guidelines, of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America. Medical research clearly shows that premature infants are 6 to 10 times more likely to develop life-threatening intestinal diseases if fed formula instead of human breastmilk. If their own mothers are unable to provide milk for them, pasteurized donor milk is the next best choice.
Author: Aruni |
Filed under: breastfeeding,
milk banking,
pumping |
3 Comments »
Last month we issued a press release announcing the new version of Baby Manager. Naturally, we were excited because it represented the culmination of months of hard work. So imagine our dismay when a Google search to see if any news outlets had picked up the release found that we had been mentioned by a prominent blogger — whose initial reaction was negative.
The good news is that the blog post generated a lot of comments. And the even greater news is that breastfeeding activist Jennifer Laylock softened her stance when Aruni Gunasegaram, co-founder of Babble Soft, posted a comment explaining how she came to create the Baby Manager program and the purpose the software is intended to serve. She and Aruni exchanged friendly e-mails and the original negative comment actually turned into something positive.
We’re happy to recommend Jennifer’s blog, The Lactivist, as a great resource for breastfeeding moms and especially for those interested in donating to milk banks. Check out our Blogroll in the right-hand column for links to online resources worth checking out.
And to find out if Baby Manager is right for you, click on the links to take a tour or sign up for a free trial.
— Connie Reece
Author: Aruni |
Filed under: baby manager,
breastfeeding |
Comments Off on A Critic Becomes a Friend
Babble Soft has announced the launch of its Baby Manager Web and Mobile software. Helping parents keep up with breastfeeding, pumping, bottle feeding, medicine doses, and diaper changes, Baby Manager keeps families connected and focused on the health and well-being of their newborns. Family members, caregivers, friends, or health care professionals anywhere in the world can log on to watch the growth and development of baby. Users can even share pictures and exchange notes.
When babies are born they become the true managers of our lives . . . especially the first several months after they enter our hearts and homes! Baby Manager is a software application, with Web and mobile options, designed to help parents figure out their baby’s patterns and cues to ensure his health and happiness. No more wondering: “When did baby last eat?” “When did mom last pump or breastfeed?” or “When did baby have his last dose of medicine?” Caregivers can quickly look up the last time baby ate, took medicine, or had her diaper changed to determine whether she might be hungry, tired, need another dose of medicine, or just wants to be held.
What’s more, for busy breastfeeding moms, keeping track of pumping and medicine intake helps with the management of stored breast milk. Also, when asked, “What did you do all day?” breastfeeding moms can proudly and confidently show a report online, on a mobile device, or on paper the time they spent feeding their baby which can range from 3 to 6 hours per day (i.e., 20 to 40 hours per week!) depending on the baby and the mom. The application summarizes the data in easy-to-read graphs and reports that can be printed out to show friends, family members, or health care professionals.
Babble Soft’s president, Aruni Gunasegaram, a serial entrepreneur and mother of two, explains, “What’s advantageous about Baby Manager Web is not only its ability to help parents easily keep up with the basic information required by most pediatricians in the first months of a baby’s life, but also its ability to keep families connected.”
“The Windows Mobile platform allows people to customize their devices to meet their individual needs,” said John Dietz, group product manager for Mobile and
Embedded Devices, Microsoft Corp. “Applications like Baby Manager Mobile continue to expand the ways people can manage both their workstyle and lifestyle all on one device.”
Author: Aruni |
Filed under: babble soft,
baby manager,
breastfeeding,
pumping,
technology |
1 Comment »
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