Once In A Blue Moon – It’s Complicated
Jan 1 2010

Last night, December 31, 2009, we had a blue moon.  Most years have 12 full moons but every 2 to 3 years we have an extra full moon and it’s called a blue moon.  We saw it coming back from the airport after a really nice visit with my cousin and her family.  On the way out, after getting up at 3:30 a.m. to make a flight that was 3 hours delayed, we ended up being almost 7 hours late getting to our final destination because of an issue we had leaving Austin having to do with de-icing our plane.  Just before they had us get off the plane to wait it out, my son said loudly “I knew we should have flown Southwest!” which caused all the people around us to laugh.  He doesn’t even have to try to be funny…this wonderful kid of mine. 🙂   This was the first time I traveled by myself by plane with the kids, and they did really well.  I told them how happy I was with them because despite the delays, it was one of the least stressful times traveling with 2 kids that I’ve ever had.  We even had a 4 hour layover in Memphis, TN and by a stroke of luck some of my long time family friends who live there (who I hadn’t even told we were flying through Memphis because we were only supposed to be there for 45 minutes) interrupted their plans to come hang out with us for a couple of hours at the airport!   I was so happy to see them…kind of like seeing land when you’ve been lost at sea for a while.

My favorite aunt and uncle (we spent summers and other times with them growing up) were supposed to have left earlier in the day from my cousin’s place, but they waited for us before driving back to their city a couple of hours away.  I was so grateful that they waited…kind of felt like a pilgrim lost in a fog coming home.

So back to the blue moon.  It’s a rare event and thanks to Erin, who picked us up at the airport, it was probably the first time in my life that I was aware we were having one.  He had seen something about it on CNN, so I looked it up on my trusty iPhone.  The moon last night was uncharacteristically huge and bright and to me seemed full of hope and promise.   I started singing the song Blue Moon by Ella Fitzgerald (lyrics) and thought about the upcoming new year and new decade that was upon us.  Although I was invited to a friend’s New Year’s eve party, I was so tired I called it a night at 10:30 p.m.  Lame I know, but I figured it was best to start the new year rested so I could think about whether I should make some new year’s resolutions.

So today is the first day of the new year and last year I made non-resolutions:  “So my non-resolutions for 2009 are to sing more, laugh more, write more, make more funny faces at my kids, be less repressed, empower people, unashamedly love people, continue to take yoga, find a purple hat (any suggestions?), make some life changing decisions (I already got my hair cut short), and move the ball forward one day at a time on Babble Soft and at ATI.”  The funny thing is that I think I achieved all of those to varying degrees with various outcomes and some I didn’t even do consciously (a higher power at work).  I guess I should be careful what I non-resolute!

One of my friends, Julie Fergerson, who happens to be a leading expert in identity theft, got me a purple hat.  I transferred majority ownership in Babble Soft to my fabulous partner, Nicole Johnson, who I finally got to meet in person while visiting my cousin because she lives in the same city.  My cousin had met her before I did.  Nicole also runs the Baby Sleep Site and our online meeting has got to be a case study (GigaOm) in successful partnerships between two people who have never met in person.  It was like we were old friends catching up when we met with our kids at a nearby mall.  As far as writing more, I didn’t write more on the blog, but I wrote song lyrics and did a lot of personal journaling (I’m already on my second spiral notebook).  My daughter likes to hang out with me when I write in the mornings and, of course, add her personal touch to my pages. 🙂 Maybe she’s a budding writer despite not being able to even read yet…

So I think I’ll stick with most of the same non-resolutions for 2010 and maybe add something about making upward progress in my career and doing more cardio exercise.  I’m not planning to eat black eyed peas or kiribath (rice cooked in coconut milk – yummy), a Sri Lankan new year’s tradition for auspicious occasions, so I’m throwing caution to the superstitious winds and hoping for the best.

And in case you are wondering why the title of this post includes the words “It’s Complicated.”  Well it’s because I saw the movie today with my movie buddies Michelle Ewalt (a great business/life transitions coach) and Cindy S. (she’s an offline kind of gal).  We see a lot of movies together and our next one might be Sherlock Holmes.  It’s Complicated was hilarious and included fabulous actors and actresses including Meryl Streep, Steve Martin (so cute & funny), and Alec Baldwin.  It was much better than the Alvin and the Chipmunks – The Squeakquel movie my cousin and I suffered gladly sat through for the kids.  While watching “It’s Complicated,” I kept thinking, while laughing out loud, that although my life seems complicated, thank God it’s not as complicated as that!

Happy 2010 everyone…

Contemplating A Blogging Break
Nov 4 2009

I’m seriously considering a very long blogging break while I figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  Or shall I say what I want this blog to be as it grows up.  The posts have been kind of random lately…a bit out of focus like I feel these days.

I was having lunch with one of my advisers today who always pumps me up.   He’s almost 70 years old and calls himself a recycled dad because he has grand kids older than his youngest kids.  I like him a lot because he’s used to working with strong, smart, professional women.  In the company he founded some 30 years ago when it wasn’t cool to hire women in senior positions, he had the most on his team.  He always jokes that he knows that women are the ones who get things done.  I think he grew up with 4 sisters.  He told me no matter what happens that I should be confident in 3 things about myself.  I told him I’ll put those 3 things on a note on the mirror or at least repeat them to myself.  It’s nice to have people believe in you!  He also said something like don’t worry about how things didn’t work out, just change your perspective and move forward.

I think I’ve mentioned that I’m interested in the bioscience/health care field, and I’m figuring out how I can use my current job to find opportunities to learn more about those industries.  I’m also enjoying my time singing and learning more about singing.  I wonder if I can combine some sort of music with biotech and create an interesting business…

So while I make some decisions, I’ll leave you with a post by Seth Godin and some song lyrics by Bob Dylan that my friend Robb Lanum has been sending out the last several weeks on our email club.  I know Robb via his cousin Jay, who is married to Sandy (link to her photo site).   Oh the things that get written on that email club…I hope never see the light of day.  At least I’m never planning to run for political office!  I never listened to Bob Dylan growing up and don’t really know much about him but Robb has been randomly sending out these lyrics and they have been strangely poignant.

I hope you all will still be here when I get back.

Make a decision – by Seth Godin

It doesn’t have to be a wise decision or a perfect one. Just make one.

In fact, make several. Make more decisions could be your three word mantra.

No decision is a decision as well, the decision not to decide. Not deciding is usually the wrong decision. If you are the go-to person, the one who can decide, you’ll make more of a difference. It doesn’t matter so much that you’re right, it matters that you decided.

Of course it’s risky and painful. That’s why it’s a rare and valuable skill.

Summer Days – Bob Dylan 2001

Summer days, summer nights are gone
Summer days and the summer nights are gone
I know a place where there’s still somethin’ going on

I got a house on a hill, I got hogs all out in the mud
I got a house on a hill, I got hogs out lying in the mud
Got a long haired woman, she got royal Indian blood

Everybody get ready – lift up your glasses and sing
Everybody get ready to lift up your glasses and sing
Well, I’m standin’ on the table, I’m proposing a toast to the King

Well I’m drivin’ in the flats in a Cadillac car
The girls all say, “You’re a worn out star”
My pockets are loaded and I’m spending every dime
How can you say you love someone else when you notice me all the time?

Well, the fog’s so thick you can’t spy the land
The fog is so thick that you can’t even spy the land
What good are you anyway, if you can’t stand up to some old businessman?

Wedding bells ringin’, the choir is beginning to sing
Yes, the wedding bells are ringing and the choir is beginning to sing
What looks good in the day, at night is another thing

She’s looking into my eyes, she’s holding my hand
She’s looking into my eyes, she’s holding my hand
She says, “You can’t repeat the past.” I say, “You can’t? What do you mean you can’t? Of course you can.”

Where do you come from? Where do you go?
Sorry that is nothin’ you would need to know
Well, my back has been to the wall for so long, it seems like it’s stuck
Why don’t you break my heart one more time just for good luck

I got eight carburetors, boys I’m using ’em all
Well, I got eight carburetors and boys, I’m using ’em all
I’m short on gas, my motor’s starting to stall

My dogs are barking, there must be someone around
My dogs are barking, there must be someone around
I got my hammer ringin’, pretty baby, but the nails ain’t goin’ down

You got something to say, speak or hold your peace
Well, you got something to say, speak now or hold your peace
If it’s information you want you can go get it from the police

Politician got on his jogging shoes
He must be running for office, got no time to lose
He been suckin’ the blood out of the genius of generosity
You been rolling your eyes – you been teasing me

Standing by God’s river, my soul is beginnin’ to shake
Standing by God’s river, my soul is beginnin’ to shake
I’m countin’ on you love, to give me a break

Well, I’m leaving in the morning as soon as the dark clouds lift
Yes, I’m leaving in the morning just as soon as the dark clouds lift
Gonna break the roof in – set fire to the place as a parting gift

Summer days, summer nights are gone
Summer days, summer nights are gone
I know a place where there’s still somethin’ going on

Spirit on the Water – Bob Dylan 2006

Spirit on the water
Darkness on the face of the deep
I keep thinking about you babe
And I can’t hardly sleep

I’m traveling by land
Traveling through the dawn of day
You’re always on my mind
I can’t stay away

I’d forgotten about you
Then you turned up again
I always knew
We were meant to be more than friends

When you are near
It’s just as plain as it can be
I’m wild about you, gal
You ought to be a fool about me

Can’t explain
The sources of this hidden pain
You burned your way into my heart
And you got the key to my brain

I’ve been trampling through mud
Praying to the powers above
I’m sweating blood
You got a face that begs for love

Life without you
Doesn’t mean a thing to me
If I can’t have you,
I’ll throw my love into the deep blue sea

Sometimes I wonder
Why you can’t treat me right
You do good all day
Then you do wrong all night

When you’re with me
I’m a thousand times happier than I could ever say
What does it matter
What price I pay?

They brag about your sugar
Brag about it all over town
Put some sugar in my bowl
I feel like laying down

I’m pale as a ghost
Holding a blossom on a stem
You ever seen a ghost? No
But you have heard of them

I see you there
I’m blinded by the colors I see
I take good care
Of what belongs to me

I hear your name
Ringing up and down the line
I’m saying it plain
These ties are strong enough to bind

Your sweet voice
Calls out from some old familiar shrine
I got no choice
Can’t believe these things would ever fade from your mind

I could live forever
With you perfectly
You don’t ever
Have to make a fuss over me

From East to West
Ever since the world began
I’m only in it for the best
I want to be with you any way I can

I been in a brawl
Now I’m feeling the wall
I’m going away baby
I won’t be back ‘til fall

High on the hill
You can carry all my thoughts with you
You’ve numbed my will
This love could tear me in two

I wanna be with you in paradise
And it seems so unfair
I can’t go to paradise no more
I killed a man back there

You think I’m over the hill
You think I’m past my prime
Let me see what you got
We can have a whoppin’ good time

100,000 Miles
Oct 19 2009

This past weekend my car rolled over the 100,000 miles mark.  When I bought the car 8 years ago, I never thought I’d have it this long.  This is the longest that I’ve ever owned a car.  I agonized over purchasing it 8 years ago because I wasn’t sure if I should spend the money and if I deserved to have my dream car (Lexus RX300) so relatively young in life.  After too much over analyzing, which I’m famous for, I got it and have not regretted it once.  I’m not too much into material things so my car was my one indulgence.

On the second day I owned it, I got hit on the side by a weary mom and I said a few choice curse words, which is rare for me.  Since it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t have to freak out extra at the $4,500 of damage.  Then I was thankful nothing happened to her or the baby she had in the back seat of her car.  At the time I didn’t know I was just a couple of weeks away from getting pregnant myself.  It was a big reminder that material things come and go…and get damaged so we shouldn’t get attached to them.

And now here it is 8 years, 2 kids, 3 jobs, several written articles, 381 blog posts, and one mid-life crisis later and the car has been solid (knock on wood).

My son knew I was waiting for the 100,000 mark and on the way back to Austin, he suddenly asked me how many miles there were and I looked down and saw 100,015 and realized it had hit the mark somewhere on the way back from church, which we only go to when we visit my friend.  We had gone to the small town carnival the day before and her son and mine still had remnants of snakes painted on their cheeks making them the heathen boys in their Sunday kid’s class!   My daughter had remnants of a rainbow on her cheek.

I was too busy chatting with my friend at the time to notice when it hit the 100,000 mile mark.  I later thought how appropriate it was that I was with my best friend of 21 years…my longest friendship and my longest owned car.  Not sure how the two relate but hey people force connections on things far less obvious. 🙂

I wonder for how many more miles I will own this car…

About Car Paint
Oct 3 2009

I think I’ll do a few posts starting with the word “About” just for the fun of it.  My last post was called About Writing.  I’m writing about car paint now because of an unusual series of events that have taken place that led to a better than expected outcome.  A few weeks ago I was rear-ended.  Fortunately I was at a stand still and he thought I had moved on so he was also starting from a stand still, but he bumped into me twice.  He followed me into a nearby parking lot and we exchanged phone numbers.  The damage seemed so mild that I figured we’d take care of it without getting insurance involved.  I was a little shaken up, but he was so nice and apologetic.  He also happened to do body & paint work on the side!

I called him to set something up and he was working at a moving company.  I called him later when I knew what weekend day would work for me and it turned out he had left that company and is going to start at a mobile paint and dent fixing company next week. He loves to paint cars!  How fortunate for me.

In the meantime, I was trying to park in a downtown parking garage and went in the wrong side – the employee parking side instead of the visitor side.  I figured that out too late when there were a couple of cars already behind me.  I tried to back up and happened to misjudge the angle and scraped the passenger side car door against a brick wall that had yellow paint.

So he came out this weekend buffed out the back fender, removed the yellow paint from my scratch, and touched up the entire car with paint he had personally mixed to match the car.  I paid him $40 for the touch-up even though he only asked for $30.  The car still needs work and the damage I did myself resulted in a dent on the side panel that will probably cost about $600 to fix right but at least there’s no more yellow paint on my car and hopefully in the light of day (it was raining so we were in the garage) it will still look better than it did.  He warned me that it might not look as good as he would like in the light of day and sunlight.

Anyway, I was really impressed with this 22 year old guy who said this was his very first accident of his life.  Hard to believe that a 22 year old guy exists who hasn’t an accident, but he seemed genuine and so thrilled about his new job at this fantastic paint and dent place that would give him a guaranteed good salary, 401k, benefits, and would even pay for Lasik surgery if he wanted it.  He seemed so excited about the opportunity to do what he apparently loved to do: paint cars.   He was very well mannered and called me “Ma’am” and spoke about being raised to do a job right.  I learned a little bit about him while holding the flashlight so he could do the touch-up.  I learned about where he was from, where his mom lived, how he learned to paint, who taught him to paint, paint fumes, acetone, his ‘ex-lady’s’ driving challenges, and other such things.

It’s always nice to run across people who follow through on what they say.  He could have easily blown me off and not returned my phone calls.  He could have not accepted his role in the situation and moved on with his life, but he didn’t.  We didn’t exchange insurance cards because to me the damage was so minor and many people take care of things like this without getting insurance involved.  He could have just disappeared or given me a wrong phone number, but he didn’t.  I have a feeling this guy will do really well at his new company with the kind of personable, customer service attitude he has.

So I guess in a weird sort of way a not-so-great thing (i.e., getting rear ended) ended up in a situation that was less of a pain than it could have been.   Well that’s of course assuming I don’t have long term brain damage, but if I do that’s probably just from living life and having kids. 🙂  Now I have to decide whether I want to fix the dent and scrapes since I hope to be able to sell my 8 year old car, which has almost 100,000 miles on it, next year…

It’s Nice to Win Something
Aug 5 2009

Sometimes I get lucky and win something.  Out of the blue I won the following just for being a subscriber to Parent Reviewers.

One (1) Grand Prize winner for the Grand Prize Pack including:
Wii Video Game ‘Ultimate I SPY’
Board Game ‘I SPY Memory Game’
I SPY A to Z: A Book of Picture Riddles
I SPY Treasure Hunt

Grand Prize Pack valued at $85.99

It arrived the other day and I opened the package this evening.  My daughter ran to show her brother the Wii game and he said “Whatever, it’s not Lego Star Wars.”  I told him he had a bad attitude and he said “Sorry” but didn’t really mean it because he has been dreaming about Lego Star Wars for quite some time because one of his best buds has it.   I’m sure he’ll like the I SPY game when he plays it.  Then we played the Board Game and he really enjoyed it and ended up winning by getting the most matches and beating me and his sister.  She’s a good sport because she’s two and a half years younger than he is so she usually doesn’t win unless he lets her win, which he frequently does so she’ll keep playing with him.  However, she often beats him at Bowling and Boxing on the Wii, which I think perplexes him.

He read one of the books and my daughter and I skimmed through the other but we were horrible at trying to find all the things in the complex pictures so we just talked about what we could find.  I think it’s a bit much for a 4 year old but she was excited to see the light houses because she remembered that we went inside one when we went on vacation to South Padre.

Thanks Elina at Parent Reviewers for being so cool and giving away cool prizes!

The random pictures of some lovely fuchsia/hot pink colored roses above are on my desk at work.  I got them this past weekend from Central Market (a grocery store here in Austin).  They opened up so beautifully and this mediocre iPhone picture of a few of them on my desk doesn’t really do them justice, but they are so pretty I thought I’d share.  They were 25 stems for $12.99!  I took some to work as well for some of the other women in the office.

Author: Aruni | Filed under: Just For Fun, random stuff | 4 Comments »

Posting Mistake on Last Post
Aug 1 2009

I realized just now that the post I was working on about the Difference Between Boys And Girls got published before I finished it.  That’s what happens after a hectic, draining week and you just start hitting buttons in a blurry state of exhaustion and you think it says Save Draft and it says Publish and the neurons in your brain don’t connect to what happened until the email shows up in your in box the next day.  UGH.  Anyway, when I finish it, I’ll re-post with hopefully more clarity on the point I was trying to get across.  I’ve taken it off for now.

I hope that builds some suspense to see how much more understandable I can make it. 🙂   I apologize for the cliff hanger…

I need to add a category called Oops to the blog.

Country Music and Broken Hearts
Jul 14 2009

When I was in high school in Lubbock, Texas, I took a part time job at Mr. Gatti’s Pizza because one of my friend’s worked there and I wanted to earn some extra money.  I even worked there on my 18th birthday and served my very first beer.  I remember the thrill of pulling the tap and angling the plastic, chilled mug to get the right amount of beer and foam top.

I also remember a few other things from that time and one was one of my co-worker’s statements about country music.  I can’t remember his name, but I remember how he looked when we had the conversation.  He was short to medium height, average looking, with curly light brown hair and was wearing the Mr. Gatti’s uniform (tan pants, white buttoned shirt, and apron).  I think he was in his early 20’s.  We were standing in the front area by the register.  At the time, I couldn’t stand country music.  I told him how lame, annoying, and stupid it was.  He looked at me and said something like “You obviously haven’t had your heart broken.  Come talk to me about country music after you have had your heart broken.”  I looked at him and thought to myself “Well, I better not let anyone break my heart then.”

Well for me Happiness was Lubbock, Texas in my Rear View Mirror (Mac Davis) and I have no interest in being buried there in my jeans. 🙂

As I grew older and had my heart broken, I did come to appreciate country music.  I’m still not an avid fan of the entire genre (broken trucks, everyone leaves, the dog dies, somebody kills themselves, etc.) but artists like George Strait, Willie Nelson, Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, John Denver, Dixie Chicks, Shania Twain really know how to sing to a broken heart.

Broken hearts come in many forms but the kind involving personal relationships hurts the most.  I’ve had my heart broken a few times in my career, two of which have partially happened while I’ve been blogging (2 years now) and you, my readers, have been along for the ride.  Once when I learned about my first company’s/baby’s death and wrote a post called The Entrepreneurial Ledge.   My heart broke when I left the company back in 2001 and it broke some more when I found out it was gone in late 2008.  The other is of course having to find a home for Babble Soft, but I’m still optimistic that there will be a good outcome and it will live on in some form or fashion.

So if you want to shed some tears, relieve some tension, and appreciate the learning/yearning from some of your broken hearts check out some of these country songs on You Tube:

You Look So Good In Love – George Strait

Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue – Crystal Gayle (quasi-country)

Ring of Fire – Johnny Cash

Walk the Line – Johnny Cash

Landslide – Dixie Chicks (via Fleetwood Mac)

Always On My Mind – Willie Nelson

Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain – Shania Twain and Willie Nelson

As they say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”  My heart will hopefully be stronger (with some duct tape, stitches, and super glue) on the other side.

Some Interesting Quotes
Jul 12 2009

I’ve seen a few interesting quotes recently and thought I’d share.  On another note, on Friday I was talking about wanting a sno-cone and yesterday (Saturday) I took the kids to one of my son’s friend’s birthday parties and they had a sno-cone machine!  I chalked up the fortuitous coincidence to the Law of Attraction (wikipedia).  One of my online friends, Edward Mills, blogs and coaches on the Law of Attraction.  I’m not sure he would agree that having a desired sno-cone show up in my life is the best example, but still.

Now for some quotes:

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” – Albert Schweitzer.  From a Deepak Chopra Center for Wellbeing newsletter I get occasionally.

“At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.” – unknown.  From a birthday party evite from a friend who is turning 40.  I’m looking forward to 40 only for that reason.

The following quotes are from a guy named Jeffrey Fry who I honestly can’t remember how I know.  He sends out a daily quote/tidbit email and since I find many of them interesting, I have stayed subscribed to his list.

“You often love someone not for what they are, but for what you are when you are with them.” – Jeffrey Fry

“Change only happens when the status quo becomes unbearable.” – Michael Drapkin. I recently heard a speaker on the topic of understanding people and he had another twist on this quote that goes something like this “Nothing changes until the pain of remaining the same is worse than the pain of changing.”

“Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.” – Dustin Hosterler

“I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain.” – Frank Herbert

Love is the highest bliss that man can attain to, for through it alone he truly knows that he is more than himself, and that he is at one with the All. – Rabindranath Tagore. Interestingly, I have a cousin named after Rabindranath

How Do You Know When You’ve Made The Right Decision?
Jun 29 2009

I don’t usually know if I’ve made the right decision (business, personal, kids, etc.) until after I’ve made it.  And then even after making it, I sometimes wonder if it was the right one.  But usually I feel a huge sense of relief for some time until, of course, the details have to be worked out.  But life is a series of decisions.   Some are small ones like when to do the laundry, what clothes to wear, what to eat for dinner, etc.  Some are big ones like what house to buy, whether to sell your company, who to marry, whether to have kids or not, how many kids to have, where to send those kids to school, where to go on vacation, what job to take, etc.  But I guess whether a decision is big or small depends on who you are and where you are.  Looking back, when I ignored my gut instinct the outcome was not so great.  When I voiced my opinion, knowing I was right, and was ignored only to prove myself right, I was vindicated but still it sucked.

I think we often let others make decisions for us in business and in life.  I know I’ve done this several times in business as a young entrepreneur.  We think other, older, experienced people know more, but sometimes they just don’t because they can’t see the things you see.  Sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it.  We might politely express our opinions but not push hard for what we really want for fear of something happening (e.g., not being accepted, looking bad, not being validated, hurting other people, feeling like we don’t deserve what we want, or our outstanding innate power).  Yes, I do think many of us are afraid of our power and being our true selves.

But then we wake up one day to realize we are living a life and business decided by others and not ourselves.  I know many a mother who finds herself in that position in her life…living a life that someone else (family, society, job) dictated to her and she passively accepts it.  I know a few fathers who feel that way too.  I know far more business people who wished they had spoken up and made different decisions.  In the world of entrepreneurship, we call those learning experiences scar tissue!  A necessary rite of passage to prove yourself.

I’ve learned that knowing your boundaries up front helps you make better decisions even in times of crisis or joy.  For instance, if you know you will never lie, cheat, or steal then your decisions of course are going to be different than a thief who doesn’t have those boundaries.  But if you are not careful, you can end up like that proverbial frog in slow heating water who doesn’t realize he is in danger until it’s far too late and he’s boiled to death (e.g., Enron and other financial scandals that involved otherwise good people).  I think most of us make the decision to jump out, turn the temperature down, ask for help, or change the rules of the game of the pot we’re in and earn our scar tissue and badges of experience in the process.

Making a decision to do something, accept something, not do something, or not accept something can leave you with images of the road not taken.  Not following your gut instinct, can leave you with many more decisions to make that might have been avoided or replaced with other decisions…not to mention heartburn and anxiety.

Oh, if we only could get away with not making any decisions and end up being rich, happy, healthy, and fulfilled… 😎

I wonder if someone has invented a pill for that?

The Impact of Michael Jackson
Jun 25 2009

I debated whether to write this post tonight since it’s late and I’m kind of tired after a long day of telling people about finding a new home for Babble Soft.  I still have many more people and twitter friends to tell.

It was a weird, weird day for me today.  I was extra sensitive with many things happening at once.   I came home after hanging out with a girlfriend of mine to find out Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett had both died today – June 25, 2009.

I’m not sure yet if I’m ashamed to admit this or not, but I was a BIG Michael Jackson fan.  I even had his Off The Wall and Thriller albums in vinyl (yes I’m that old).  I loved his songs and even had his poster on my teenage wall.  I would buy every magazine I could find with him on it and even wrote him a fan letter.  I guess I had a teenage crush on him but that was when he looked somewhat normal and before he did a bunch of inappropriate things with kids.  He was so talented and it’s a shame he became so weird and reclusive.

His childhood was stolen from him and was it worth the price?  I guess his adoring fans think so.  I think having all that attention at such a young age gives one a false sense of reality.  Having an abusive father didn’t help either.

Some of my favorite songs of his are: (Michael Jackson song lyrics)

She’s Out Of My Life – I would cry every time I heard that song

Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough

Rock With You

The Girl Is Mine – with Paul McCartney

Billie Jean – loved that beat!

Human Nature – one of my all time favorites at the emotions this one evokes

Remember The Time

After those albums, I kind of lost track.  But I think many of us remember The Jackson 5 and little Michael singing “ABC-123.”

Yes, he was a big part of my short teenage life and had an affect on me and the world that will live on for a long time.

Posting Will Be Light While I Contemplate the Universe
Jun 8 2009

It’s been almost a week since I last posted.  And yes, I hate doing the ‘posting will be light’ post since it’s so ‘been there done that,’  but while I sort through a bunch of varied things and go on a much needed vacation sometime in the next few weeks, posting will, in fact, be light.

So until the next unpredictably timed post, please enjoy this photo taken and image created by my good friend, Sandy Blanchard (click this link to check out her cool photography site).  She sent it to me in email back in April 2009 with the subject ‘you are special’ and a note that said “A little something for you” and it made my day!  I was touched, honored and reminded of what great friends I have been blessed with.

Chocolate Covered Raisins
Jun 2 2009

I have about 10 things I’m working on or should be working on from home stuff, bill stuff, to work stuff, to life stuff, to kid stuff, to sanity stuff and I’ve been just a wee bit scattered lately.

I have an ‘in progress’ post on books that’s been ‘in progress’ for a few weeks now, but I end up staring at it and not being motivated to finish it so I exercise my ADD traits and move to something else to stare at for a while.  I’m going to create another page on this blog eventually with links to the books I’ve read in the past that I highly recommend and maybe some of my current ‘in progress’ books.  I’ve got half finished poems, half finished song lyrics, and 1/4 finished books floating around in my computer, in my head, and on my nightstand.

So in order to distract myself further, I eat chocolate covered raisins from Costco (link to a picture of some random guy holding a tub of them).  It’s a big tub and it’s almost finished!  They are delicious and partially nutritious.  I like most things covered in chocolate… 😀

I will have to hold myself back from buying another tub the next time I venture to CostCo…I’ll just distract myself with the wine collection.

Connecting The Dots
May 21 2009

Sometimes the dots connect and sometimes they don’t.   Sometimes you connect them and a nice picture emerges.  Sometimes you connect them and a mess shows up.  Some seemingly random dots are showing up in my life right now and I’m not sure if and how I should connect them or if there is any connection at all.  Here they are:

I recently received the new & improved purple peacock hat I mentioned that I wanted in my New Year’s Resolutions post that my good friend Julie Fergerson, VP of Emerging Technology at Debix, got me for my birthday.  The one she got me was too big for my small head so I sent it back and the designer, Sharmon Hardin, created me a new one that fits great and even has peacock feathers!  She was so friendly and easy to communicate with. Every hat someone buys from her she makes another for St. Jude’s.  I think I’m going to submit Sharmon and her hat business for inclusion in Seth Godin’s new book.  Now I have to wear it to lunch with my friend one day!

My daughter made me a beautiful bracelet for Mother’s Day that I wore to work yesterday and got many compliments on.  Of course, I was shoving it in people’s face to look at it so they were forced to say how pretty it was whether they liked it or not. 🙂   But it is quite lovely.  I’ve been noticing her personality starting to show more.  Sometimes when she says something, I’m taken aback at her sophistication and the signs that she’s growing up.  I smile at her confidence and beauty.  She’s starting to drop her baby words but I still tell her she needs to get her ‘swim soup’ when she’s going swimming.  She had so many cute words that will probably hang around in our family’s vocabulary forever.  I used to come up with words when I couldn’t say something properly and my mother still reminds me of those or says them in sentences when she’s talking to me.  I had words for elephant (my favorite animal), apple, sweet things, etc.

My son made me a wonderful card with a picture that he drew of himself on the front and he wrote “I love you mommy” in French inside the card.  I have it on my desk at work and several people have remarked how cute they thought it was.  The only word I remember that he used to say was ‘mimi’ for milk otherwise he seemed to pretty much learn a word and say it right.

Our roof was damaged in a recent hail storm and even with insurance coverage it will cost us $3 to $4K out of pocket.

My husband’s car was practically totaled by the hail storm with windows blown out and body damage that will also put us out of pocket some money.  The windows are fixed so he can drive it but he still has dents all over his car.  His car is jinxed because so many things have happened to it.

Interesting opportunities are presenting themselves for me and Babble Soft making me wonder how I should deal with them.

I’ve had a surge of creativity recently around writing song lyrics, singing, and writing in general but no consistent time and space to get it out.  It’s all bottled up and I feel sometimes like I’m literally going to explode.  I’ve never experienced this before, but it’s a form of torture (not water boarding).  I also don’t generally hang around people who get that or who I can share what I’ve been able to write, which makes me a little sad sometimes.  It helps that I work in weekly voice lessons over lunch.  We are working towards recording a few songs for demo purposes.  I tell my voice instructor that I consider our lessons therapy sessions!

I am tired from burning the candle at both ends as they say.  The whole Building A Web Business After Hours is taking it’s toll.  I’m home sick today just feeling worn out with a scratchy throat.  The upset tummy has disappeared for now.  I will hopefully be fine tomorrow.

The new school, The Magellan School, that my husband is founding is going really well and set to open this August 2009.  Many families have already signed up and donations are coming in.  The first years are always challenging so it’s going to be tight around here for a while.

There’s a bunch of other dots that I either can’t write about or I’ve forgotten but needless to say I am living in interesting times and it’s seems like it’s exactly where I’m meant to be to deal with what lies ahead…

How about your dots?

A Random Post About Some Stuff
Apr 16 2009

If Seinfeld can do a whole TV show about nothing, I figure I can do one blog post about nothing much or much of nothing.  Well it is about something but nothing that requires a whole lot of thinking like some of my recent posts.

I just got back from a really neat event here in Austin at a place called Austin Museum of Art – Laguna Gloria called the Art of Business.  Business people who paint or take great pictures showcased their work and the highest bidder at the end of the night would win the piece.  I left before the end of the event.  I went because one of my co-workers was exhibiting a painting.  I realized when I was half way home that I should have taken a picture to put in this blog post.  I’ve asked her to write a guest post for me and she’s going to work on it next week.  It’s going to be on creativity and I can’t wait to see it!

I’ve started singing in my day job office more…to the delight of some people and to the dismay of others…mostly the interns because I made up a “Lame Intern” song when they didn’t show up to one of our happy hours.  It was to the tune of Nobody by Sylvia (link to YouTube video) and most of the interns are too young to have ever heard the song before.  It’s kind of early soft country.  I’m trying out a new voice teacher that was recommended by a friend I made at the Landmark Forum.  I got to know her better during the seminar series.  She’s probably as close to a professional singer I’ll come to know since she has sung at Austin legendary places like Antone’s.  It’s a very different style of voice learning than I’ve ever experienced before and so far it seems to be having an impact on my voice and even my confidence level.  It’s called Speech Level Singing and apparently people like Pavaroti and Barbara Streisand are coached that way.

I’ve been procrastinating heavily on updating the books for Babble Soft.  I’m about 3 months behind.   I did get our taxes done with the help of a tax accountant and we owed money this year for a variety of reasons.

I also have two more fortune cookie fortunes and they are:

A visit to a strange place will bring you renewed perspective. That’s good because I’m going to a strange place in June.

Hear with your ears but listen with your heart.  All I know is that heart listening can be a weird mixture of joy and pain.

OK, that’s enough of the random stuff for a blog filler post.

Spring Has Sprung
Mar 20 2009

Today is the first day of Spring and it’s an absolutely gorgeous day here in Austin, Texas!   Many of us seem to have Spring Fever at my day job.  I remember when I taught entrepreneurship at the University of Texas at Austin business school how hard it was to get the students to focus in the Spring semester.  Everyone’s minds were wandering this way and that…which is partly the reason teaching in the Fall semester is much easier. 🙂

There is just something about Spring that evokes the strangest mix of feelings in all of us.  So I left a little early today and came home to hang out with hubby and our daughter, who is off from school.  When I came in she was taking a nap on the little futon sofa in the entry way to our house and she looked so adorable that I was compelled to lay down next to her and relish the warmness of her body.  I lay there for a while looking outside the big bay window that faces our front yard.   I watched the greening trees wave slightly against the blue lightly clouded sky.  I heard and felt her breathing.  The world was so peaceful and everything seemed just so right for that seemingly brief moment in time.

When she woke up, she turned to face me, smiled, and started looking into my eyes for a while…not saying anything.  I looked straight back at her and smiled a big smile and told her how beautiful she was.   She then asked me why my eyes were black.  I asked her why hers were brown and she said “I don’t know.”

How blessed I am.

Yes, Spring has sprung.