Dirt, Chocolate, and Purple Flowers
Apr 21 2009

I took my son to soccer practice today and his sister, of course, wanted to come too.  After getting both of them into the car, I realized I forgot something inside the house so I went back inside.  On the kitchen floor I saw dirt from his soccer shoes and some chocolate from one of those Quaker Oats chocolate chip granola bars he had just finished eating as a snack.  At first I thought it was all dirt but upon closer inspection I discovered the piece of chocolate.  I found it amusing for some reason.  I picked the pieces up and threw them in the trash and found myself smiling as I walked back out the door.

I guess I wondered how often we think the chocolate in our lives and businesses is dirt and how often we percieve the dirt as chocolate.  But there they are side by side and both get thrown away because they are on the floor.  I think I did try to eat dirt a time or two when I was a kid.  I was quite the tom boy.  I certainly do love chocolate.  I also thought how funny in his boyish ways he dropped a piece of the favorite part of the granola bar on the floor without realizing it next to the dirt that came off of his soccer shoes.  I’m not sure why I found it funny but probably because it was just a symbol of his boyish enthusiasm and excitement about going to do something he loved to do – play soccer!

So while we were out in the blazing heat of the early evening, my daughter and I were sitting on a partly shaded big rock and then she started wandering around playing with another little boy.  She was throwing rocks into some standing water with the little boy but sometime during this play time she found a little patch of little purple (my favorite color) flowers.  She brings me one and said “This is for you mommy,” and I said “For me? How beautiful! Thank you sweetie.”   Then she brings me another one and tells me I have to save them and put them in some water when we get home.  I told her I didn’t think we had something small enough to hold them because they were really tiny little flowers.  She said “uh huh!” and I said “OK.”  A few minutes later the wind blew them off the rock and I couldn’t find them.  I had to tell her that they blew away and she said “the wind?”  I said “Yes, the wind blew them away.”  She then profoundly said “Oh, OK.” Then she ran off to play.

So the point of this post is…well I guess there really isn’t one.  But if I had to make one up maybe it has to do with…well heck I don’t know what it has to do about anything.

Spring Has Sprung
Mar 20 2009

Today is the first day of Spring and it’s an absolutely gorgeous day here in Austin, Texas!   Many of us seem to have Spring Fever at my day job.  I remember when I taught entrepreneurship at the University of Texas at Austin business school how hard it was to get the students to focus in the Spring semester.  Everyone’s minds were wandering this way and that…which is partly the reason teaching in the Fall semester is much easier. 🙂

There is just something about Spring that evokes the strangest mix of feelings in all of us.  So I left a little early today and came home to hang out with hubby and our daughter, who is off from school.  When I came in she was taking a nap on the little futon sofa in the entry way to our house and she looked so adorable that I was compelled to lay down next to her and relish the warmness of her body.  I lay there for a while looking outside the big bay window that faces our front yard.   I watched the greening trees wave slightly against the blue lightly clouded sky.  I heard and felt her breathing.  The world was so peaceful and everything seemed just so right for that seemingly brief moment in time.

When she woke up, she turned to face me, smiled, and started looking into my eyes for a while…not saying anything.  I looked straight back at her and smiled a big smile and told her how beautiful she was.   She then asked me why my eyes were black.  I asked her why hers were brown and she said “I don’t know.”

How blessed I am.

Yes, Spring has sprung.

The Reader, Zilker Kite Festival, Random Stuff
Mar 1 2009

Since I blog about parenting as well as business here on this oddly unusual and sometimes entertaining blog, here’s what happened this weekend.

The Reader
Last night (Saturday) hubby and I went on a date night.  We decided, given the state of our financial situation, to do dinner & movie at The Alamo Drafthouse, where they serve dinner while you watch a movie and it doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg.  Our original plan was to see the Academy Award winning picture, Slumdog Millionaire, but it was sold out.  So we ended up seeing The Reader (check out this link for the trailer) starring Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes, one of my favorite actors.  Winslet won best actress for her performance in The Reader and we are both so busy that neither I nor my husband realized Fiennes was in that movie too!

I’ve actually had a long time fascination with Fiennes after his performance in Schindler’s List, despite the fact he played one of the really bad guys in that movie.  He was equally as interesting in The English Patient.  I was a bit annoyed at his performance in The Duchess, mostly because the character he played lacked depth and sensitivity, but after seeing The Reader I’m less annoyed.  I told my husband this and he said something like “All Fiennes has to do is smile that little half smile and you see his piercing blue/gray eyes and he’s back in your favor.”  Well maybe I added the blue/gray eyes part, but I had to smile and nod.  He then told me that Kate Winslet did all of her own nude scenes (of which there were many in this movie), and I asked him how he knew this.  He didn’t have a good answer other than he read it somewhere, but I could tell she did.  I think it’s cool that she’s so comfortable with her body that she even risked displaying a couple of her stretch marks (a.k.a. badges of honor).

The story was set in Germany and starts out with a young 15 year old Fiennes (I don’t know the actor who played him, but he was adorable!) having a summer affair with a much older Winslett.  She asked him to read her all the books he was reading in high school ranging from philosophy to mythology.  He later finds himself a law student observing a trial about the Holocaust where she is a defendant.  He is devastated because he had no idea she was involved in the Holocaust in any way and it deeply affected him and all of his future relationships with women.  It was a pretty good, thought provoking movie, but I wasn’t too happy with the ending because I was hoping for more resolution.  But I guess just like in real life there really never is a good resolution is there?

Zilker Kite Festival
This Sunday afternoon we tried to go to the Zilker Park Kite Festival.  We were supposed to meet up with some friends there but after more than 1/2 an hour of driving around the area, not finding parking, and not even being able to figure out in a timely manner where the shuttle parking was, we gave up.  Our friends were already there so after several calls and her telling me that it was chaos and she’d understand if we don’t come, we decided to bag it and take the kids to another park.  We stopped at The Domain on the way so I could return something.  Turns out the kids weren’t that interested in flying the kite so we hung out at the park for a little bit and then came home.  Hubby and son threw the football around and our daughter rode her little bike.  I threw the ball with our son for a little while, followed our daughter on her bike on the sidewalk for a little while, then washed some clothes, did some work on Babble Soft, and wrote this blog post.

Random Kid Stuff
Earlier today our 6 year old son asks our almost 4 year old daughter if she was in love with some boy named Steven (who is older than she is) at her school.  Steven likes to give her a hug when we pick her up.  She tells him “No, he’s mad.”  My son then asks her if she thought he was cute.  I’m not sure she responded to that one.  I laughed out loud because I thought how innocent that exchange was between them and how much meaning someone would apply to that exchange if they were teenagers or older.

Our son has made friends with an 8 year old girl at his school.  She’s into PokeMon and Bakugan (these toys that change from a ball to a creature and back again) and he sometimes comes home with several little Bakugan toys that he says she gave to him.  I asked him what he gives her and he says nothing, and I ask him how can that be?  He said, she likes giving the little toys to him.  I’ve told him that he must also give her some cards or toys back but he just says “But she likes giving things to me.”  So, I’m not sure what to say to that, but I feel as if I need to coach him to also give her something.  Well, at least he’s friends with a girl who seems to like sci-fi and typical boy stuff – just like his mama. 🙂

Giving Things Up
Jan 18 2009

This weekend I completely spaced on my daughter’s swim class.  Her class has been at 10:00 for the last 4 months but because of a few unexpected things that happened on Saturday morning (e.g., our house cleaner who comes every two weeks called in sick so I had to quickly start changing beds/washing sheets & towels and my husband was gone for activities surrounding the founding of The Magellan School) my mind somehow shifted into thinking the class was at 10:30.

We showed up at 10:30, and I wondered where the other kids in her class were when my son pointed through the window and said ‘there they are!‘  It still hadn’t hit me that I had gotten the time wrong and I walked in and the parents said ‘there you are‘ and in slow motion I said ‘did I miss the class?‘ and they all nodded.  I was in shock because I’ve never done that before.  I apologized profusely.  I asked the teacher if she could just get in for a little bit but she had to go to her next class.  One of the guy teachers who was nearby said he’d give her a mini-lesson and thankfully he spent about 20 minutes with her in the water.  I almost cried on the spot out of gratitude and not having to wallow in guilt while she cried about not being able to swim.  My son waited as patiently as he could on the other side of the window given that I had originally told him he could play a game on my new iPhone for a little while during her class.  The teacher was so kind to her and gave her piggy back rides while taking her under water.  She laughed and smiled.  He called her ‘sweet pea‘ and ‘sweetie pie‘ and if he wasn’t in the water, I would have given him a big hug for making/saving my day!   You can’t buy that kind of marketing and in that one instant, I wanted to tell everyone how amazing Emler Swim School is!

Well, last month I forgot to pay the mortgage or shall I say I remembered too late.  I’ve never done that either so we had to suck it up and pay a late fee much to my chagrin.  I can’t recall ever paying a late fee although I’m sure it’s happened at least once on something.

Oh and I didn’t win my longed for trip to Tobago mostly because I didn’t have the time or wasn’t able to come up with the right strategy in a timely manner to make it happen. Looking back, I think if I had taken off a week from my day job to make sure I won this week vacation, I would have won. 🙂

UPDATE: After finishing this blog post, I went to a yoga class.  I got there only to realize I forgot my yoga mat (for the first time ever!) at home despite going back into the house before I left to get it and a towel.  I had to rent a mat and let’s just say a rental mat offers a sub par experience to your own purple mat.  My right ankle hurts a little bit now.

So needless to say these are signs that I have too much going on…some of which I’ve blogged about and some of which I haven’t and probably won’t.  I’ve started to look at the things I can give up in my life and I’ve given up a couple of things so far.  I gave up co-writing the series for the UT Alumni magazine and just last week I took a leave of absence from my weekly Blog Mastermind call with some amazing folks who I mentioned in the GigaOm article I did on finding a business parter online.  It was a tough decision but they were all supportive and told me I was welcome back at any time.  I’ve also started to unsubscribe from blogs, newsletters, etc. that I haven’t been reading anyway.  I’m taking a long hard look at my life and trying to figure out what I can give up without giving up anything I really want/need to do.

I may need to give up some things temporarily while I sort things out and find a way to integrate them back into my life once I deal with some of the other things going on in my life, but how does one do this without risking making the wrong decisions?  Sigh.

I wonder if we had a crystal ball if any of us would still in fact be able to make the perfect decision.  So far, I feel like I’ve been extremely lucky in the decisions I have made in my life and although I certainly wish I could change a few things, I don’t have any big regrets.

Have you given up something and felt relieved?  Have you given up something and later wished you hadn’t because you weren’t able to go back to doing it again?  Or as my friend Robb just asked “What is the biggest thing you have ever given up on?” and my answer was “Myself.” But I usually pull myself out of it pretty quickly when I repeatedly realize that I am my own worst critic and at times my own best cheerleader…

They Are Luckier Than We Are
Jan 9 2009

That is what my kids kept saying every time we drove into our neighborhood during the Holidays and saw all the houses decorated with fabulous Christmas lights.  “How come they have their whole roof lit up, a fire truck, 7 reindeer, and Santa all in their front yard?” was a constant refrain every time we drove home at night.  “That’s not fair.  They are luckier than we are!” they would say each time.

I tried to explain to them that just because people have a bunch of lights on the outside of their house during Christmas time doesn’t mean they are luckier and that we have no idea what was going on inside the houses.  That explanation fell on deaf, young ears.

I also told our son that when he was old enough, he was more than welcome to hang up as many lights on the house as he’d like but until then mommy and daddy were just too tired (and frankly not interested).   He thought that was a good idea.  I’ve also thrown that logic on him when he doesn’t like what we are eating/cooking.  So he’s going to have to do a lot of cooking and light hanging when he’s older.  I’m guessing he’ll conveniently forget all of this when he’s about 10.

In previous years, just to keep slightly up with the Joneses, I found a North Pole candy cane light, some wooden stand-up Santa/reindeer thing, and some Santa singing lights (we turned off the music so as not to annoy the neighbors).  Their dad wasn’t initially too fond of the candy cane light.  But this year that wasn’t enough.  They wanted more and better lights so this time he gave in to their whining and got some lights for our small bushes and hanging lights to put above our door.  Of course we hung the door lights up about 2 days before Christmas and that seemed to appease them for a little while…until our son asked us why they didn’t get any gifts in their stockings.  I told him that the gifts from us and Santa were just too big for the stockings and we didn’t want the stockings (that were hung up using scotch tape) to fall down.  He didn’t buy that especially after going to my best friend’s house and their son told them about all the things he got in his stocking.  I repeated my explanation and said “maybe next year you’ll get something in your stocking” until we put the stockings away and he stopped asking.

So the grass (or Christmas lighting) is always greener (brighter) on the other side as they say.  And I keep thinking to myself “what if someone doesn’t like grass or Christmas lights and doesn’t want to pick sides?!”

Resolutions Anyone?
Jan 4 2009

Photo by Sandy Blanchard

Last year I made New Year resolutions despite not normally liking to do so.  I even did a blog post called One Entrepreneur’s 2008 Goals.  And guess what? Some of them came true and some of them didn’t.  This year I’m not making any resolutions.  I’m going to try to go more with the flow.  Now that doesn’t mean I don’t have things I’d like to accomplish but I’m not going to make them goals.

Interestingly, I achieved all of my 2008 personal goals.  I lost 5 lbs (actually I lost more like 8).  I signed up for and took yoga as consistently as is possible with two kids and two jobs.  The yoga helped me lose 5 lbs, the other 3 I lost due to stress and an ongoing existential crisis.  I’m one of those people who doesn’t eat much and fidgets a lot when I get stressed.  I know some people hate me for it, but let me tell you the elevated crazy brain activity more than overrides the weight loss benefit.   I mean I don’t get as bad as seeing dead people, but I start saying and doing things that don’t make sense (at least to me), and I start making wild interpretations of other people’s actions (and non-actions) and words that probably don’t make sense but might and if they actually meant what I thought they meant, my world would be turned upside down.  Yeah, don’t even try to understand that last sentence.

I even laughed more and that’s because my son is a budding comedian, and I work with some funny people at my day job.  The only personal goal that I can’t say with 100% certainty I made significant progress in was “be less concerned with what other people think.”  I made some progress, but the trauma of “what will they think of me if I wear a purple peacock hat to a lunch meeting?” still plagues me.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve cared less but I’m waiting for that day I can walk into a room and say whatever is on my mind (well not whatever because it would shock the innocent) and not give a flying flip if people think I’m nuts, a crazy entrepreneur, or a hysterical brown woman because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what I’m saying is actually wise, intelligible, actionable, and worthy to be said.

I really only knocked out of the park one of my Babble Soft business goals and that was to “find great people to help make it happen.”  And that happened when Nicole Johnson joined me as VP of Product Development back in October.  We are slowly but surely making things happen and it’s so amazing to have someone as great as she is along for the ride.  We don’t know how it will all turn out yet given what’s going on in the world, but I feel honored to be working with such a talented, personable individual, who can fully relate to my life situation of a day job and two little kids!

The other business goals were thwarted by: the economy, my husband leaving his job to consult and start an amazing dual language immersion school called The Magellan School (i.e., hence the day job – health care benefits are very important when you have kids), having to unexpectedly pay a significant portion of my father-in-law’s triple bypass surgery expenses (yes, he was not insured), my mid-life crisis, and a random butterfly flapping its wings in China.

But you know what? Despite not making most of my business goals, life is great.  All my close family and friends are healthy.  My kids laugh and smile every day which makes me happy.  I enjoy my day job because although I’m underpaid (working on changing that slightly), it’s probably the best place I can be to help build the Austin entrepreneurial community and ride out this economic downturn.  Plus, I really like the people I work with.  I’m a huge believer in fostering an amazing work culture and a positive work environment, and we currently have that at the Austin Technology Incubator (ATI) and I have that with Nicole at Babble Soft.  So yes, overall my life is pretty darned good.

So my non-resolutions for 2009 are to sing more, laugh more, write more, make more funny faces at my kids, be less repressed, empower people, unashamedly love people, continue to take yoga, find a purple hat (any suggestions?), make some life changing decisions (I already got my hair cut short), and move the ball forward one day at a time on Babble Soft and at ATI.

So no resolutions for me, but I do like to get shit done and I’m hoping our brand new President of the United States feels the same, and I think he does! 

Oh, did I mention I plan to curse more too!  For most of my adult and teenage life many of my friends (most of them guys) have tried to get me to curse more and I saw no need for it.  Their jaws would drop on the rare instances I would curse, so I’ll see if I can work in more curse words into my daily (or weekly) discourse (mostly off the blog because I have a hard time writing curse words).  It might be awkward at first, but I’ll suck it up and overcome the awkwardness just like Dooce and The Bloggess have been able to.  They are some of the top cursing mommy bloggers on the Internet today and I cry laughing (or is that laugh crying?) whenever I read their posts.   I mean go read: This is one of those posts about how you can make money off your blog but instead of money you get a coupon for a burrito and tell me you don’t start laughing your ass off.  I’ll just have to remember not to curse in front of the kids…  Sorry mom!

How’s that for some non-Resolutions?!!

In The Blink Of An Eye, It Is Over
Dec 31 2008

And so 2008 comes to an end and the old saying ‘time flies’ is yet again reaffirmed.  It seems to go faster with each passing year, especially with little kids jumping all over you, sucking your energy dry underfoot.  Each year is a smaller fraction of our total lives.  To our kids each day seems like an eternity full of laughter, playing, occasional tantrums, asking their parents for candy, and fun!  And to us grown ups, the movie of our lives keeps going faster…slipping through our fingers….with fond and sometimes hard memories behind us and interesting times ahead. 

So I’d like to thank all of you dear readers for joining me on my entrepreneurial parenting and business journeys.  I haven’t spent much time trying to monetize my blog, and I don’t make much money from it.  So your blog comments, your emails, your conversations, and your tweets mean so much to me!  Most of us bloggers don’t blog for money, we blog to share ideas and to create conversations whether on or off the blog that might not have happened before. 

My favorite form of compensation comes from those of you who comment directly on a particular blog post.  The way to a blogger’s heart, after all, is through comments left on her blog. 😀

But, I also very much enjoy the comments from those who recieve the free blog updates via email who simply hit ‘reply’ and let me know their thoughts.  I get many replies on twitter, and I wish someone would figure out how to integrate tweet replies directly into the blog comments, but that hasn’t happened yet (as far as I know).  

And then there are those of you who I talk to on the phone or see in the business community who mention they read my blog and mention a particular post.  I’m often taken by surprise by who reads my blog and what their interpretations are of my posts.   The people who know me well usually know how to read in between the lines, and I keep it fairly tame because my mother and my favorite aunt read my blog!  I wouldn’t want to shock them too much.

Special thanks goes to my husband, Erin, (who I honestly don’t think really reads most of my blog posts or he might feel more compelled to comment on some of my snarkier ones) for making sure this blog works smoothly.  He upgrades the blog when a new version comes out, he installs the latest/greatest WordPress plugins that help make this blog as effective as it can be, and helps troubleshoot any random technical glitches that occur.  He is our resident rocket scientist, and I have yet to see a technical problem that he can’t figure out. 

THANK YOU AGAIN DEAR READERS for enriching my life!  Have a HAPPY, PROSPEROUS, and JOY-FILLED NEW YEAR!

Behind The Baby Album
Dec 22 2008

During the holiday break, I’m trying to tie up some loose ends and one of those was completing my daughter’s first year baby album. She was born a couple of years before we released Baby Say Cheese otherwise I would have already had the pictures selected as each milestone occurred!

Her baby album has sat on our fancy, big, mostly unused dining room table for close to three years (removed for dinner guests and promptly replaced the next day). She will be 4 years old next year.

It has sat open, closed, or askew with pictures hanging in and out of it for years. I saw it often out of the corner of my eye and quickly switched my attention to other things. For those who know me, I usually don’t let things sit around undone but for some reason, I could never find the time to finish it. I would occasionally have a spurt of desire to complete it, would write some words, select some pictures, and ask my husband to print them. But quickly I would get distracted by something seemingly more important. And it sat there pulling me and repelling me at the same time.

We finished our son’s album just before our daughter was born which was 2 or so years after he was born, but that was mostly because his album is in Spanish and I don’t know Spanish. My sister decided to give us a Spanish baby album, so I had to nag, harass, make kind requests of their dad, who is fluent in Spanish, to finish the parts I couldn’t before our daughter was born.

Our daughter’s album is in English and on most days I know how to read and write English, but I had a baby album block…sort of like a writer’s block but it had a baby album slant to it. Several months ago, I came to the sudden realization that all my excuses of not having enough time, not being able to log in to my husband’s Mac to search iPhoto, not wanting to learn how to print pictures, and not wanting to deal with figuring out the dates of the pictures were masking my true feelings fears. And that fear had to do with closing a chapter in my life called ‘babyhood,’ despite not planning to (or wanting to) have any more babies. In my heart and eyes she will always be my baby girl but finishing her book puts finality to it and my heart is still adjusting to that feeling.

And it made me wonder about the other areas of my life where I might be doing the same thing. My fear of closing a chapter in my life and moving toward the unknown may be holding me back from discovering many unseen opportunities in business, my career, my life, or even my children’s lives. And I wondered if many other’s experience this sensation or if I’m the odd duck?

Oh, and just in case it wasn’t clear, I finished her album today…just a few short hours ago…and she helped me do it. I’m moving on to the next chapter of my life, and I’m thinking to myself “thank goodness there’s no such thing as a teenager album!” From what I hear, people like to forget those years. 🙂

Are Your Children’s Identities Safe?
Nov 16 2008

The following is a guest post by a friend and fellow entrepreneur Julie Fergerson.  We met several years ago while each of us was in the middle of our very own first high tech start-up.  Julie is currently a VP at Debix.  Debix provides services to help you monitor your credit.  My husband and I signed up a while ago, and we recently signed up our kids.  We were at her daughter’s 5 year old birthday party that she mentions below.  We just got the results back for our kids who were part of a batch of 83 kids that were evaluated.  Thank goodness our kids are safe but 3 of those kids had compromised credit.  Check out Julie’s post below to learn more about how to protect your children’s identities.

Are Your Children’s Identities Safe?

Hi, my name is Julie and I am a mother of two little kids, age 2 and 5.  I am also an executive at Debix, the Identity Protection Network, and have been chasing criminals and stopping fraud over the past decade.  Recently, I helped design a new product to protect children’s identities.  As usual with any new product launch (July 28^th, 2008), I asked my friends at my daughter’s fifth birthday party to enroll and give me feedback on what they thought. 

I was stunned to find that two of the fourteen children at the party (age 4 and age 9) had someone else using their identities.  This hit so close to home that I decided to research the size of the problem.

So we scanned 500 children who were under the age of 18, and found that 1 in 20 kids (5%) already have someone else using their social security number.  To put that in perspective, that means about one kid in every classroom in the US is a victim of identity theft.  Worse yet, the average child victim had over $12,000 in debt and 12% of the child victims are age 5 and younger – shocking!

To ensure the results were accurate we hired Javelin Strategy and Research, a top-tier analyst firm to analyze the results and report their conclusions.   You can download the research report here: www.debix.com/research.

You can hear stories from the parents about their children being victims at (http://news.debix.com/index.php/categories/child-victims/).

As I talk about this problem with other Moms, the first question is always, “what does it mean that their kid is a victim of identity theft?”  It means the child will not be able to use his credit when he needs it for things as important as college loans, first apartments or even a first job.  As part of my research I met Lindsey, a college student at Texas State, who is living this problem.  When she applied for her first internship competing against 400 other candidates, she was thrilled when she got the job and received the company welcome gift.  Unfortunately a few weeks later, she received a letter rescinding her job offer – she was told she was not hirable because someone else was using her social security number.  After what she calls “a full time job” of working to clear her name for six months, she was able to restore her identity and get the job.  

The next question I get is “how can this happen?  Surely companies know the social security number belongs to a kid.”  The answer is no.  There is no system in place to warn companies and the Social Security Administration does not publish a database of social security numbers with names and ages of kids.  The social security administration has a formula for issuing a social security number, but you can’t tell the difference between a number that was issued to a 39 year old immigrant to the US and a newborn.  About all you can tell from the number is the year and location it was issued (check out SSA Algorithm for issuing SSNs.)

It is our job as parents to protect our children and give them every possible advantage when they become an adult.  We have to protect our kids as best we can so when they start out they have a clean record and aren’t starting adult life at a disadvantage.

The solution I built at Debix finds the problems and restores the child’s identity for $20 per year.  While we try to keep our pricing affordable, we also took the time to publish the steps a parent would need to do if they wanted to protect their kids on their own at www.childrenscreditcrisis.org. 

I also worked with the FBI to produce a webcast to teach parents how to protect their kids from Identity Theft.  Feel free to pass this information along.

*******
Do you have any stories to share about identity theft either from personal experience or a friend’s?

A Vote for Brown, Brains, and Change!
Nov 4 2008

I haven’t written about politics on my blog for a variety of reasons but mostly because I think everyone has a right to their own opinion and my blog is primarily about business and parenting…not politics.

However, given that a historic, unprecedented event has just happened in our lifetime, I felt compelled to write this post.  I am SO excited that Barack Obama was elected to be the next president of the United States!  Not just because I agree with much of his political philosophy, but also because he’s brown, has brains, and has the potential to heal wounds created throughout the world.

If you are someone who has not grown up with brown skin, this might not make sense to you but in my opinion this is a huge affirmation of the American dream.  My uncle, a geography professor, was turned away from a restaurant while visiting Virginia New Mexico because of the color of his skin.  When I was 8 or 9 years old, a blonde little boy turned to me in the walkways outside my elementary school and yelled at me calling me the ‘n’ word.  I had never heard that word before, yet I felt the hate emanating from this young boy, and I still remember the fear I felt standing there all alone wondering why this boy hated me so much. 

I’m not even Black (I’m South Asian), but I (and other members of my family) were lumped into the non-White category.  When I lived in West Texas, the difference was even more pronounced.  I grew up self conscious of my skin color and even now I have moments where I wonder if I truly fit in…despite being married to a White man!   Women and Black men have had to consistently work twice as hard and be twice as good to be recognized at the same level as White men in this country. 

Time will tell if Obama was the right pick, but the fact that he was picked in this country in 2008 means to me that we’ve reached a turning point in our history.  People who are not White and not even men (thanks to Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin) now have a living breathing example of how it can be done.

Obama, to me, epitomizes working hard (no riding daddy’s coattails), focusing on education, prioritizing family values, and taking a thoughtful analytic (that man is smart!) approach before acting.  As an added bonus, he appears to know how to speak proper English! 🙂

Not only has he broken color barriers, he has broken social media barriers.  He has run the biggest, first, and most effective political campaign that has ever been run (oh what money can buy)!  By his campaign’s avid use of twitter, YouTube, blogs, MySpace, email campaigns, etc., he has single handedly affirmed an entire new industry and demonstrated how using the Internet and social media can have a huge impact on the success of campaigns, businesses, and causes.  If there was any doubt by individuals and big companies as to the efficacy of social media, it has now been shattered!   

I was 3 when I came to the United States with my parents, and we landed in Pennsylvania.  I was 21 when I became a naturalized citizen in New Mexico.  I am now many years older, live in Texas, and tonight I saw the window of opportunity open wider for my light brown kids…

God Bless America!

Household CFOs – Take Charge of Family Finances
Sep 14 2008

All of us managing households during these challenging economic times, should read Mechel Glass’ guest post below.  Mechel is Household CFO’s Director of Education. 

On top of the other things I do, I manage the finances in our household, and I can appreciate the time and thought it takes to make sure your finances are in order.   It’s even more important when you have a family and kids to plan for.  I can’t say that I’m an expert at it and I’m sure I could do better if I had more time sit down with my husband to think about it, but we do the best we can.  Thankfully, I had a mother, who like Mechele, taught me the value of saving, budgeting, and not overspending when I was young.  I also had the inner drive to work hard, be independent, and support myself.  So it wasn’t so hard to live within my means as I got older.  Thanks Mom!

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My daughter, Sarah Amirah, has had a piggy bank since the day she was born. Of course, it took a few years before she was aware that it was filling up with coins and bills. But now that she’s four, she’s on her second piggy bank and is somewhat aware that she is accumulating some serious coinage with the change I let her have from trips to the grocery store. 

Her first piggy bank is one of those old-fashioned ceramic ones that you can’t sneak into. I think the only way to get at the cash is to smash it. Smash the pretty gift from her grandmother to get the cash? That won’t be an easy decision! 

Although it may seem like I started financial education very early with Sarah, I think there is no reason to postpone teaching children little lessons about saving. Truth is, many adults these days are putting themselves at risk because they never developed savings habits. 

Through my position at Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS) of Greater Atlanta, I talk to people everyday who are so overwhelmed with handling day-to-day finances like paying bills and managing bank accounts and credit cards that they can’t make plans for unexpected emergencies or long-term needs. Adding even more stress is the increased cost of groceries and gas, which has led many of these families to the verge of financial crisis. 

The reality is two in three “Household CFOs” – those primarily responsible for the household finances – do not have an emergency savings account, putting them at financial risk in the event of a crisis. Our recent national survey also found that nearly one in three households has not prepared a will, purchased insurance of any kind or made other preparations for a significant life-changing event. Yet, almost half of those surveyed have already experienced some sort of financial setback within their household in the past year.

In response to our survey findings and the current economic conditions, we are launching a national financial awareness campaign, “Household CFO” and enhancing our CredAbilityU online education program to offer free on-demand courses, interactive webinars and financial management tools. Through this program, we hope to provide tangible solutions that real Household CFOs can use in today’s economically challenging times. 

At CredAbilityU.org, online classes are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on a variety of topics – from homeownership to money management to dealing with bankruptcy. Live webinars on special topics are also scheduled throughout each month. You can also sign up to receive the Household CFO Report, our free newsletter, which offers monthly tips and advice on how to take control of family finances. 

But don’t stop at CredAbilityU.org; there are a host of free resources available that offer practical information and helpful tools, including:

• Ÿ Consumer advocate Ilyce Glink’s site, www.ThinkGlink.com
• Ÿ Credit score-reporting site, www.MyFico.com
• Ÿ Free credit report site, www.AnnualCreditReport.com 

And, don’t get discouraged – it’s easy to get overwhelmed, but there is help out there and it won’t take long before you feel more capable and confident in your role as the chief financial officer of your household.

Traveling With Children – Know Your Rights and Limitations
Sep 1 2008

And now for a fabulous guest post from the ex-general counsel at Expedia, Mark Britton.  I wish I had known about his site, Avvo, before I experienced my Traffic Court Tribulations! 

Being the ex-general counsel at Expedia and now running Avvo and its free legal advice Q&A forum, I get a lot of questions about travel-particularly travelers’ rights and responsibilities.  As a parent of three rambunctious little boys, I offer this post to help traveling parents everywhere.  On that note, I am reminded of one of Expedia’s great early ads which said something like, “Whoever said getting there is half the fun has never gotten there with a screaming two year old.”  

So, in that spirit, here are some nuggets of knowledge for your next child-laden trip: 

1.  Traveling with kids doesn’t give you special legal rights.  A lot of people assume that because they are traveling with kids they have special rights and preferences granted by the Federal Aviation Administration or some higher authority.  The reality is that your rights-with or without children-are largely whatever the airline chooses to give you.  Don’t think you can be involuntarily bumped with children?  Oh yes, you can.  Outraged that the airline denied you early boarding with your pokey young children? Tough beans.  Not able to avoid your child’s tantrums by letting her run up and down the airline aisle? It’s the flight staff’s call. 

2.  Add 30-60 minutes to get to your gate.  Let’s face it, kids take their time.  That dead cockroach en route to your gate may be disgusting to you, but it absolutely requires closer inspection by a five-year-old.  I learned long ago that rather than trying to whip your kids into an adult pace, allowing more time to get to your gate preserves family harmony.  Just going through security is stressful for a kid-take it slow and make it fun. 

3.  Reserve the allowed seats for your kids.  One place that the feds do get involved is where your children may sit on a plane.  They may not sit in an exit row, and if they are in a car seat, they must sit by the window.  So don’t think you will book your young child in an exit row and the airline will have to live with it-they won’t.  The flight attendants will move you-I see it happen all the time.  Also, don’t book two aisle seats-one for you and your car-seated kid.  Just take it for granted that your child will be sitting by the window and you will be sitting in the middle by the big hairy guy who hogs the armrest. 

4.  No need to smuggle your baby food.  Keep in mind that while you are not allowed to take liquids on a plane, you may take liquid-based baby food.  Many people don’t know this, and so they attempt to come up with creative ways to smuggle on formula or the always-popular peas and carrots.  Stow your criminal tendencies, and simply declare the baby food.  You can take up to one-day’s supply on board, but I have found that TSA personnel are always very sympathetic and accommodating when it comes to food for your infant.  

5.  Kids can get the boot too.  Finally, keep in mind that an airline can deny you boarding-or even ask you to deplane-if your kids are disorderly, abusive or violent.  This goes for adults too, but people are always surprised that it pertains to kids. 

I could go on and on (bring a DVD player with headphones, seat your child behind a parent, etc.).  However, I think I have already exceeded my word limit.  Of course, if you have any more legally related travel questions, we are always here to answer all of your questions.  You can go directly to our free legal advice Q&A forum to ask your personal legal questions- anonymously if desired-and real attorneys will answer them. 

Travel sanely. 

Mark Britton
Founder & CEO
Avvo, Inc.

Accredited Online
If you are interested in the law and your rights and want to interrupt the status quo, consider earning a law degree online. Taking courses online allows you to set your pace and live your life as you choose.

Business School or Med School for Moms?
Jul 22 2008

Thanks to a Mommy Track’d post called MBAs Are Opting Out for the link to the article by Reuters called More women with MBAs take mommy track than doctors: study.  

I can’t say I’m surprised for a variety of reasons.  I have an MBA and although I never thought of completely opting out of the business world to be a full time stay at home mom (other than the first 6 months of my kids’ lives), I did choose a more flexible transition back into the workforce by starting my own company.  That way I could start them off in part time care until I felt they and I were ready for them to go to full time care. 

According to the article by Reuters, “The University of California Berkeley Haas School of Business study of nearly 1,000 Harvard undergraduates found that 15 years after graduation, business school graduates were more likely than doctors or lawyers to leave the workforce.”  

It continues by saying “Those surveyed were about 37 years old and had at least one child. Fifteen years after graduating from Harvard College, 28 percent of the women who went on to get MBAs were stay-at-home moms. By comparison, only 6 percent of MDs stopped working outside of the home.  Of the MBAs surveyed, 27 percent had careers in the financial sector and 17 percent worked in consulting. The majority of the MDs worked in specialties centered on women (13 percent in obstetrics/gynecology), children (31 percent in pediatric medicine), and family.” 

As a business student, there’s not often a set path like there is for med students.  In the medical field, you finish school, you do your internship, you do your residency, and then you get hired into a private practice or university to continue in your field.  Sure the field of medicine changes but apparently not as fast as the field of business.  

Business is all about your network and skills.  Moms/Parents who stay at home with their kids are advised to continue building and keep up with their network.  Medicine is definitely about your skills, but you usually don’t get hired on to a hospital or private practice based on who you know, it has more to do with what you know and where you got your degree! 

I find it interesting that I know several MBA women friends who have opted out of pursuing a career while their kids are young and at the same time my OB/GYN and pediatrician (who both happen to be women) came back to work shortly after their kids were born.  Our pediatrician came back to work only about 8 weeks after her baby was born.  I think both of them are amazing and incredible doctors! 

I remember my OB saying how important it was that I take it easy after the baby was born and to take as much time off as possible.  I then made a comment to her about the fact she returned to work after her babies were born and she was able to manage it, and she kind of stared at me blankly and didn’t seem to know what to say. 

So what do you think the reasons are for the different parenting choices made between moms who got a business degree and those who got a medical degree?  I have some ideas, but I’d love to know what you think.

Movie Fun for the Whole Family
Jul 18 2008

Now for a fabulous movie-related guest post by Film.com’s mom blogger, Sue Harvey!

Movie Fun for the Whole Family: Trust Mom on Film, and Your Instincts

Mary Poppins photo from film.com credit to Walt Disney
The best piece of advice my husband and I received before the birth of our first child was fairly simple; trust your instincts. Now, this advice was given in the context of when to pick up a crying baby, but we have found it to be just as effective and useful in many other aspects of parenting as well. While plenty of studies, guidelines and groups exist that are ready and willing to tell parents how to raise their children, I believe nothing trumps parental responsibility, engagement and instinct. That said, I’d like to offer a little more advice – advice about movies suitable for families with small children. 

I have been a movie lover far longer than I have been a parent, and many of the films my Mom shared with me when I was a child are the same films my children and I enjoy watching together today. The movies that never fail to entertain us all are musicals. The range of topics within the genre is practically limitless, and some of  the musicals that have been hits with my children from the time they were about three years old thru the present (they are now aged 12, 10 and six) include Mary Poppins (it’s “practically perfect in every way!”), Singin’ in the Rain  (it’s funny, has great dancing, fun songs and memorable characters), An American in Paris (remarkable choreography, amazing music, visually arresting, ‘s wonderful!), Brigadoon (mysterious, magical, beautiful), The Pirates of Penzance (silly story with catchy, quick lyrics, Kevin Kline as the Pirate King and Linda Ronstadt as Mabel), Annie Get Your Gun (delightful, fun, and featuring Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show), Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (funny, good music, great choreography), and On the Town  (what better way to introduce your kids to Frank Sinatra?). 

I quickly realized that even they didn’t understand the story upon the first viewing, they generally enjoyed the songs, costumes, dancing and characters enough to want to watch them again, and again, and again. Each of these pictures provides not only good clean fun, exposure to remarkable talent and craftsmanship, but also a cultural education from which they can only benefit. 

Possibly a more obvious choice for family films would be animated features, particularly those produced by Walt Disney’s Studios and, increasingly, Pixar. I own copies of and have seen many of these films more times than I care to recall, as have my children. They, too, are part of our cultural heritage and I would argue that a childhood devoid of  The Aristocats, 101 Dalmations, the Disney Princess lineup, Fantasia, Fantasia 2000 (personal favorites of my tribe), Finding Nemo, among others, would leave a gaping hole in one’s cultural education.

However, I would also suggest that allowing a child to watch any of these films unsupervised, particularly for the first time, would be a mistake. In case you haven’t seen them yourselves or have forgotten, most of these features involve at least one dead parent and mortal danger for the heroine or hero. This is the stuff of nightmares and phobias – not to mention many tears. These may be classics, but they can also be scary. 

If you seek the kind of video fare I fondly refer to as the Electronic Babysitter the pickings are rich. PBS produces numerous shows, many of which are available on video in addition to their daily programming, which are not only educational and suitable for even the youngest viewers; they are often tolerable for adults, as well. 

We are our children’s first and primary teachers. I firmly believe that if we introduce our children to the best we have to offer, be it films, books, food, music or personal habits, they will naturally develop a taste for quality. Deciding what “high quality” means to your family is where instinct, judgment and responsibility come into play. While it can be helpful to consider movies ratings, the only one really qualified to decide what is right for your children and your family is you. So, if you don’t have time to pre-screen a film, talk to the clerk at your local video store or your friends or family, or check out a title on line. But remember, just because the company marketing a film declares it to be “fun for the whole family”, doesn’t make it so anymore than a picture without a rating (as most of the above mentioned musical are) is “inappropriate”; trust me. Or better yet, trust your instincts. 

Sue “Mom on Film” Harvey is a mother of three who shares her passion for film with family-friendly movie recommendations on Film.com, a free online entertainment service on Movies, TV, DVDs, celebrity news and more.

MBA Class: Mom’s Business Acumen
Jul 15 2008

And now for a very cool guest post from Michelle Yozzo Drake author of a newly released book: “From the Kitchen to the Corner Office:  Mom’s Wisdom on Leadership.”

MBA Class: Mom’s Business Acumen…Or, “How to Take Skills Learned From Mom to Kick Butt at Work” 

As Aruni braves the balancing act that returning to the “formal” workplace brings for a working mom, I was thrilled that she asked me to do a guest post for entrepremusings.com. 

I love to work with women…they just get it, even if they don’t know it!  Generations of women have been successfully running the home-based business that we call “The Family”.  They have had to utilize all of the skills needed to address the same issues that Fortune 500 companies struggle with. And they’ve done it with grace, style and, okay, maybe a few bad hair days here and there! 

My version of an MBA class focuses on “Mom’s Business Acumen”: 

Risk Management-The art of baking bread, taught to me by my Aunt Giovanna Yozzo Fanelli (Aunt Jennie), yielded a surprising class in risk management, crisis management and plan-failure recovery. As I made loaf after loaf of bread (according to Aunt Jennie’s half Italian/half English instructions) and failed every time, I had to learn how to push past my fear of failure and create new plans to minimize my risks of future bread baking failure! Hours of work sometimes yielded sub-par results (a.k.a “lead-bread” – this made Aunt Jennie laugh as she encouraged me to persevere and continue on my quest for the perfect loaf of bread).  My ultimate victory (at least 20 loafs and 80 hours later) was the title of Bread Maker in my family’s eyes.  And after Aunt Jennie died at 96 years old, she passed her pans to me. I had become the bread and the baker, and she would be proud! 

Mergers and Acquisitions-My sister and a few of my sisters-in-law now have new “blended families”.  With divorce rates and remarriages at an all-time high, there are new things today’s mom has learned. Creating a family with kids from previous marriages and new ones with new husbands takes a lot of hard work and effort…no wonder the idea of running a newly merged company is child’s play for the mom that has balanced issues with siblings, half-brothers, step-sisters, etc.! 

Cultivating Strong Teams and Leaders-Lessons learned from the women in my family who are masters in the kitchen – my mother Mimi and my Aunt Marie, specifically – have been priceless in developing my ability to coach my clients on building strong teams and leaders at work.  Have you ever watched two strong women in the kitchen putting out a holiday meal for the family?  Mimi and Marie were masters at leading and following as they consistently put out a quality product (the seven-course Italian holiday meal) for their customers (35 family members and a few stragglers). The big news is, I never remember a moment of tension in either of their kitchens…but always lots of laughter! 

Budget Cuts-My mother-in-law Marty used to take her twelve children (my husband Rich is number NINE) to the beach on the ferry every Wednesday…because kids ride free on Wednesdays when accompanied by their parent! She knows how to work a budget! Examples like that guided me during my family’s lean years – when I was sewing shorts for my two young sons out of my husband’s old shirts – and during the first crucial years of my businesses when breakeven was only a dream. 

Sales and Product Issues-Have you ever negotiated with a four-year-old over why Oreo cookies are not a breakfast food?  Successfully selling those eggs over the Oreos takes a sales master! How easy negotiating with a customer over the price of your products or services is compared to “selling” bedtime to a child! 

So when I meet a mom getting ready to return to the workplace and she’s fretting over her perceived “resume gap,” I see the opportunity to educate a sister on how to talk about her degree from the “Mommy Management Training University!” 

What have YOU learned from your mom, “mom-figures” in your life, or being a mom yourself? 

Michelle Yozzo Drake is a management consultant who has just released a new book: “From the Kitchen to the Corner Office:  Mom’s Wisdom on Leadership.”  Her Workplace Wisdom Blog is hosting Lipstick Leadership Week -July 14-18 – where Michelle is highlighting other women’s stories about what they have learned from their “moms” or as a mom that helps them succeed at work!  Submit your story (and get a plug for your website!) at LipstickLeadership.com or KitchentoCornerOffice.com